SYMPATHETIC STIMULATION

Stressstressstress….all because of one name: Rajesh. Oh, he’s our Cardiovascular system course coordinator who gives lecture notes with more than half of the essentials missing. It took me almost two hours looking for all the missing pieces of information for just one lecture, and he’s the one taking the bulk of our lectures for this system…arrgghhhh! Nice guy, intelligent fellow who laughs at his own jokes… but lousy lecture organization and notes! Help….It’s gonna be one loooonnngg weekend….
But the more stressful thing? PMS (not Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, but Pre-Matching Syndrome). Nah, it actually stands for Partner Medical School. Under the twinning program, we will rank the PMS of our choice from 1 to 23, and each PMS will also rank us from 1 to (?) according to their set of criteria - that is what you call the Matching Process. So here I am, determined to get to Melbourne form day one of my IMU life (because of one very silly reason of fulfilling a certain teenage dream), however now I realize that there are several obstacles in my way:
1. There are only 4 places in Melbourne, and worst case scenario (grossly exaggerated) about 100 of us who might want to get there.
2. JPA has made it compulsory for all of us to put Australian Us at the top of our list, which means competing with all JPA scholars who will undoubtedly put either Melbourne or UNSW as their first choice.
3. The recent policy change in the UK (foreign students are not allowed to do their post graduate degree there) means that I’ll also be competing with at least a quarter of my batch mates.
4. The matching process that supposedly gives a higher weightage to our preference may be random to a certain degree (owing to the fact that some good students don't the U of their choice which was given to the poorer students)
So yeah, it’s like God saying to me in my naïve days in Sem 1, “Do you think I can do this?”, and now the same question, with the addition of the above factors, “Do you still believe I can do this?”. I admit, I need a greater measure of faith. It’s like what Sarah was saying, “God, I don’t care if You put me in a U that I don’t want to be in, just tell me now!” Man, I’m gonna have PMS for a loooonnngg time, since I’ll never know for sure till 11/2 years from now. (We only undertake the Matching Process in our 5th Sem, um, ya, in certain things I look further ahead, the stress might go away in perhaps a month’s time, but the cycle will undoubtedly repeat itself every time my seniors get their PMS results)
All that and knowing that I am guaranteed of the U of my second choice (Queensland) if I write in now, as they come in a first come first serve basis cos Queensland is not in the Matching Process since you’ll have to do a degree in B. Med before going over…kinda complicated. To make it simple, I get second best if I would decide to go for it now and give up the best U which I have a very slim chance of getting into, and it’s one or the other, no second chance.
And I’ve decided to believe that my God is BiG enough to get me in Melbourne, but even if He chooses not to, He will make sure that I get into the BEST U, not my best, but His best.

I know this is really early, but here’s my 1 to 6:
University of Melbourne
University of New South Wales
University of Adelaide
University of Western Australia
University of Newcastle
University of Tasmania

If you would look carefully, it’s actually in the order (first four, or five if you include Queensland) of the cities in which a certain conference will be held, and the last two, in comparison of the amount I would spend on transportation to get to that certain conference. Call me mad, deranged, whatever…that’s my top six, for now.

THE LITTLE BOY

Once upon a time, there lived a little boy and his elder brother. They lived at the edge of a forest, on a little farm with a stream flowing not too far off. The little boy, being too little to concern himself with ‘manly’ duties, would tag alongside the elder as he went about his daily routine, always observing with the utmost attention. It would be a simple chore, such as cutting wood for fire. And the little boy would stare in wonder, saying to himself, “Wow, what strength big brother has, that he parts logs with just one strike of the axe! When I grow up, I’m gonna be just like him, and part logs with just one strike!” The little boy can’t very well lift the axe above his own little head, but is satisfied with carrying his elder brother’s axe for now, always glad to be of some help.
And so it would be, the little boy tottering along, taking two steps with his short legs for every step that his elder brother took. On the farm, he would watch intently as the elder went about feeding, tending, sheering and milking, thinking, “How knowledgeable big brother is, he know best how to handle each animal! When I grow up, I’m gonna be just like him and know all things!” In the meantime, he was content with carrying animal feed around, struggling with all his might with the big pail, proud that he was of service.
On another day, the elder would want to fish, but seeing that he did not bring his rod along, the little boy would quickly offer his, honored that the elder would use his humble rod. As usual, the little boy would sit by the elder, amazed with the like, “How well big brother can fish, bringing in the biggest fishes with such skill and patience! When I grow up, I’m gonna be just like him and catch many fish!” The little boy would then beam when asked to help carry home some of the catch of the day.
That was how it was, every single day. Now the elder brother would be going off to college, and little boy sits and wonders to himself, “Will I ever be like big brother, and when?”

THRILLED...AGAIN

I actually lost my pen drive two months ago…have been using my mp3 player as a substitute all this while. I posted up notices, but no news, so I took them down. I’d have given it up for lost, but now someone has found it and returned it. Did the person feel guilty? I will never know. I guess God was trying to teach me to hold on to nothing on this Earth but Him and Him alone. I may be robbed of many things, but no one can ever steal my God. Also that He hears and answers prayers….it may be two days, or two months, but He answers prayers definitely. He does have funny ways of doing things, I’m never in lack of surprises with such a God, ha ha!

THRILLED

Ha ha...IMU has replaced the computers with these super cool acer veriton, Pentium 4HT! I'm now downloading stuff from e-sword in 10 mins when even my streamix at home takes one hour! Sleek mouse, stylish CPU! Super fast!!!
CG today was on the Bible, evidences of it being inspired, formation of the canon, apocrypha and pseudegraphical books. I could feel the level of stress of my batchmates climbing as we went into the formation of the canon. Yeah, it was a little too deep perhaps, considering I actually took about a month on and off of reading...plus, there was a non-christian in our midst! Confusing for my CG mates, more so for her! But I explained as best as I could. Yup, it was challenging for them. At least now I guess they're provoked to find out more about the book which is the foundation of our faith, and to really know the Bible cover to cover, inside out and all around. And the girl is interested to read the Bible now! I just prayed on Wed itself, inspired by the SEM1 CG that has non-believers attending, that one day I would live to see the same thing happening in SEM2 CG. That was a very fast answer! And I used the term 'live to see'. Ye of little faith. Yup, it's my dream of dreams that CG will not only be a place for Christians to edify each other, but also be a place where the lost can come and find out more about God...I'm thrilled!
Yeah, long day today, with music practice in the morning for the coming high praise session, CG, lecture then PBL, which I had no time to prepare, only printed out something from the net to present. As my PBL mates were presenting their's, the facilitator shot out numerous questions for them, and this time, my stress levels went up with every minute. When it came to my turn, no questions from the faci, how odd, how relieved I was! Ha ha, thank you God! Saved again, by His grace...Anyway, my topic was on risk factors of tachycardia...so no big deal perhaps.
I better go back and study from the first week this time around...Another music practice in church tomorrow...Oh, did I announce? I bought a new toy!!! Sansamp GT2 amp simulator, RM 590. One word-sweet. Well, that was like two months ago d...

A HEART FOR PEOPLE

It seems that God really is breaking my heart for people. Going to Seremban Hospital, seeing patients all around, it does strike a cord deep inside. One 56 year old Indian lady, both legs amputated, had been there on the very same bed for five years. Her son visits rarely. Another old Chinese lady, told her life story in a jumble of Cantonese, Mandarin and Malay, related her life, wiping tears in between. Of how she met her husband (now gone) during the Japanese Occupation and how hard it was simply to live, but they had to go on, of her children, grandchildren…great-grandchildren, of this doctor who refused to receive RM2000 but only RM1000 for her surgery, how she feared for her life in the operation theater, but was reassured knowing that the surgeon was one of the best, and how every now and then in her life story, she’d always refer to that doctor, saying, “Good doctor, good doctor..” and that she’d always remember and be grateful. Of how she said life is filled with obstacles, but we have to be strong…and how it’s the heart that counts (“Must have heart…” ) as a doctor….
And I wonder, will anybody in the future ever refer to me as “Good doctor, good doctor..”? Will I, seeing patient after patient, be desensitized to their pain and forget that it’s the heart that counts, not medicine or surgery or the money? Will I see just physical bodies in need of a cure, or souls in need of a savior and not me, a mere doctor?
I don’t know, I really can’t tell…and I say that I WILL serve the full ten years and not ‘break the bond’, but am I even aware of the hardships I have to face if I made that choice to stay?
May I never forget why I was called…
Do I even realize the mere weight of it?
I’m beginning to…
And of course, the Petaling Street Feeding Program, how the plates of rice were stacked up into a mountain, how the people came…some singing and clapping along to the worship songs and others grumbling when food will be served. That these people lived with no security of food and shelter, sleeping where they would find a roof and eating where and when food was available…Jesus too, had no sure shelter nor food, sleeping wherever, and trusting the Father to provide...
Would these people know my Jesus better than this pampered, ‘rich’, city girl with cares insignificant to the their needs? To see a world different from what I was used to living in, a world that much of us would rather ignore and pretend that it did not exist, with people we would rather not talk to or associate with, people we call sinful and pass judgment on, without realizing our own sins of self-righteousness and apathy…until we are reminded, that He came for the very ones like these. And what am I doing here, complaining when I have a roof over my head and food to fill my hunger, a solid education and assurance of my future, although nothing is ever for sure…What do I know of pain and suffering? (But we all can and do suffer inwardly, regardless of how rich or ‘fulfilled’ our lives can be…just that I find mine to be as insignificant as dust now) And knowing that I have Hope, when most of them don’t…
Again, words are cheap, all say, no actions…what’s the point? That’s why I always admire those who live it out rather than just talk about it, or be ‘emotional’ about it for just a while. Will I be all talk and no actions as well? More and more, I’m determined to make a good doctor, also to do what I can while that dream is still so far away…

EGUITARIST TURNS SPEAKER

An exposition on Matt 20:20-28

What is greatness?

In what ways do you seek to be great?

Are you capable of COMPLETE surrender to His will in your life?

(Brought to you by Matthew Hoo and eguitarist this Wednesday)

RUNAWAY BRIDE

A play by the Footstool Players in ECF

1. The Wedding
Come wedding day, the bride arrives late and unprepared. She says “I do” hastily before the marriage vows are read. However, when she understands the full implications of a marriage covenant, the commitment and submission it involves…that if she truly loved the bridegroom, she would obey ALL His commandments…the words “I do” bring a whole new meaning, and she is unable to utter it…
Do I say “I love You” too soon? If I truly loved Him, I would obey ALL His commands…which I don’t.
2. Mc Church
The church is likened to a fast food outlet, where people come and go, activities and programmes are “packaged” and the consumers can pick and choose what to take and what to leave out. Something low on commitment but high in returns…Also that the church has no place for those who are really seeking God, the lost and weary, that the church is too engrossed in meeting the wants rather than the needs of people..
Have I placed more importance in the programmes, activities and temporal goals rather than help people find God?
3. Pharisee Boot Camp
The new recruit is orientated by a commander who stresses on justice, insensible rules and a parading of actions, who on the other hand classifies grace and love as “for sissies”.
Have I prided myself in all the things I do for God and judged those who do less? Has my life been a parade of how much I have given for God compared others? Set such a high standard of living that I have looked down upon those who don’t live up to them? I think so.
4. The Untouchables
A divorcee who is a drunkard, a lady who has had premarital sex and an abortion and a man with AIDS. Is there place in our church for one like these? The social outcasts and the rejected…..Will we love and accept them regardless of their background, or shun them as the world does? We are reminded that Jesus Himself identified with their pain and loneliness, that He too was rejected…Is there place in our church for even Jesus? Or will we reject Him by rejecting those He love?
I have rejected many…I have shunned people when I knew that He died for each and every one of them, I have closed my eyes and refused to care…I have made a joke of the cross…
5. Mercy General
A new young doctor in Sinai Hospital creates a fuss by practicing a different brand of medicine, contrary to the policy of the hospital that only admits healthy “patients” and shuts out the sick to avoid them from contaminating the state of the art hospital, the healthy “patients” and staff. This doctor even makes house calls to the boulevards and is rarely found in the hospital. The entire hospital staff goes searching for him and finds in in the centre of a mob of “filthy” sick people. Unable to convert him, the majority of the staff returns to the hospital. However, some stayed after seeing the pain and suffering of the sick, and they together with the doctor and the sick established another hospital, Mercy General, opened to all…Jesus came for the sick, not the healthy..
Am I just staying in my comfort zone, refusing to go out to meet the needs of those who really have need of God? Have I been ignorant to the pain and suffering of the sick and kept my distance instead of caring and ministering as I should?
6. Salt and Light
Have we forgotten to be salty or to shine? We are His feet, eyes and hands…What is salt if it isn’t salty or light if it doesn’t shine?
Have I forgotten?
7. Love Story
Modification of the book of Hosea. A preacher falls in love with a prostitute and convinces her to marry him. The prostitute at first refuses because of who she is, but says yes when she saw the hope and love in his eyes. After five years and three children, she gradually comes to accept herself as how the preacher’s family and friends saw her-worthless. Not being able to bear living with the husband who loves her unconditionally, she runs away and pleads that he does not come searching for her. But he did. For a long time he searched, and found her in the most degraded bar, being auctioned off for a mere 35 cents. He bids 545 dollars at first, then digging into his pockets for the leftover 18 cents even after he had won the bid. It was all he had. The wife refuses to come back, but looking into his eyes, she saw the reflection of a bride in white, not the woman with a dirty face and torn rags….and relents at last.
Who we are isn’t determined by what we have done or how society sees us, but it is found in our worth to God-priceless.

Repentance….of what? CF has been emphasizing on repentance, but I never could get it…not in the theme exposition, not in the camp. Turn back to God? My life revolves around God. Be not of the world? God IS my world, there is never a moment in my life which God isn’t apart of. I trust, I depend…I put serving Him before everything else…repent of WHAT??
And tonight, I saw myself in every one of the sketches…as the bride who says “I love You” too soon, the cashier who is accustomed to just “selling” packaged activities, the self-righteous commander, the church who shuns the outcasts of society, the doctor who shuts out the sick, the salt that isn’t salty enough and the light that does not shine it’s brightest…repentance now has meaning…What have I made Christianity into? A religion?
But once again, God’s love covers all…knowing that in His eyes, I am a bride in white, spotless, because He came all the way and bought me with a heavy price…
God’s love is described as EXTRAVAGANT, and rightly so…

If we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way
Jesus is the way
(If we are the body, written by Mark Hall, performed by casting crowns)

WISTFULNESS?

Spiritual mother knows best. Therefore when she thinks that you’re suffering from wistfulness, no matter how absurd and ungrounded you think her claim may be, it usually turns out to be true on deeper reflection. So ladies and gentlemen, I confess, I am wistful.
Because it takes extra effort to smile, and I’m afraid to be alone (cos melancholics tend to dig a deeper hole for themselves when left to their own line of destructive thinking). These are the times when you say, yes, I have God, and so have surpassing joy. But yet, yet….we’re humans. And I am human too…

This is a song from United’s newest album, called None But Jesus.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When you call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

Chorus
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, In confusion
I know You’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

Chorus
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

Bridge
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore

No one to cry out to, no one to comfort thy servant…only You. The harder it gets, the harder I cling on…

MY SHEPHERD

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside still waters,
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For Thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff,
They comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
Thou anointest my head with oil,
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalms 23

Restore Thou me, Thou shepherd of my soul….

UNSPEAKABLE JOY

I”LL BE IN THE NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT CONCERT!!!!!!!!!
The whole band has been planned….only, we lack a bassist. Yeah, I know it’s a bit early, but we’re a bunch of enthusiastic people…
Returning people: me, Victor, Michelle and Catherine.
New people: Jeremy(Sem1) & Alvin(Sem3)
Yes, God is good to me, all the time…
Thank You for honoring me, You know how much this means to me…not so much of because I’m in again(bcos I've found my identity and security in You rather than in what I can do), but the fact that You care and know just what would cheer me up, at the right moment….the fact that I am significant to You. Thank You for fulfilling a child’s childish wishes....

HOME FOR MOTHER'S DAY

Yes, I made an effort to come back….See, I’m not such an inconsiderate child after all. It has been about 3 months since…The cat has gone missing, apparently the day after I left the last time. This is the second time something like this has happened, no more cats for my brother, oh no…no more….they always go missing!
THIS GOES OUT TO MY MUM: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Although we used to have our differences, I now see a different side of you. I’m thankful for you in my life, and for all the times you made a difference, no matter how small…

PARASITO AND GNOSTICISM

Dear God, why did you make sooooo many types of parasites? Each is different from the other, from its life cycle to appearance to eggs, how can there be so much to know about such little critters…nothing is insignificant to You it seems, not even those annoying parasites. My life would be easier if there weren’t so many…but You are a God of detail and diversity. Therefore teach me and make me a master of parasites, at least of those that are medically important…otherwise I dunno how I’m gonna study this…
I know I’ve been slacking for three weeks…I know I shouldn’t, can’t afford to, especially after Sum1, although, You’ve blessed me with an A. Does that mean that I can still attend Bible study?? I’ll just assume it to be a yes….THANK YOU!!!!! At least I have the whole of next week to catch up…cos it’s nursing week (This will be my first time visiting Seremban Hospital). He he…just give me Tuesday off…I can’t resist the urge of going to Borders again.
Ah yes, I’ve read Gospel of Judas….pure gnostic material, very short gospel…but so far, one of the hardest materials to comprehend if read without a commentary (shall I say harder than parasito?)…Well, the gist of it is that Jesus came to Earth not to die for our sins, but to enlighten "certain individuals" who possess the “spark of divinity” within them eg Judas, who was the only one who really understood Jesus. What separates us from the "true god" (note:not the God of the Old Testament) is not sin, but ignorance due to lack of knowledge(To understand this, you’ll have to sort of know a bit on gnosticism). Therefore, the real way of salvation is to escape this body and the God who created the Earth (who is a lower level god...heresy!heresy!) to return to the “heavenly realm”. Judas is a hero because he freed Jesus from his body by betraying him. Thus, Judas is now in heaven while the rest of us of the “ignorant generation” will become nothing when we die because we do not possess the “spark of divinity”. Other stuff in the gospel consists of something akin to greek mythology…the hierarchy of supernatural beings..etc..be prepared to be confused…See, the beauty of the simplicity of the True Gospel, compared to all those other stuff out there coined by the minds of men…(note: if you feel that reading materials like this might cast doubts upon your faith, by all means don't read! As for me, being brought up by a free thinker dad, my natural instinct is to find out for myself, what is real and what isn't. Articles and reviews will always be subject to the prejudices of the writer, who might even select or take certain passages out of context. The only way to be sure is to go to the source and decide for yourself where you stand. That's how I've always been thought. Personally for me, reading the Da Vinci Code and the Gospel of Judas has settled the uncertainties I previously had just listening to what others said, at least I know where I stand and why...Of course, I wouldn't read most other Gnostics, but this one was because of the recent hype and ppl asking me questions that I couldn't answer.)
The two things we’ll have to deal with it seems, with all these Gnostic gospels and even books like the Da Vinci Code is….who really is Jesus Christ, and the authenticity of the Bible. We know that they’re all crap, and most non-Christians, I think, would also agree that they are crap…but they sort of raise the questions…that perhaps who Jesus is was “determined” by the early church when they selected which gospels would be included in the Bible, and that the Bible represents what the majority believed to be true, but might not be true…
Which is why, I always tell people, including my friend who recently accepted Christ, “It’s not what I say, what the Pastor says or even which way the facts point…you’ll have to know who God is, and who Jesus is…TO YOU- Is He real…to You? If so, how real? So real that you’d believe it to be so even if the whole world says otherwise? You’ll have to find out, and know Him for yourself.” (I'm saying this believing that God will reveal Himself to those who seek Him in truth.)
I am thankful that I do know…that You are real, because You chose to reveal Yourself to me…because You chose to…

X......CAVATE!

Our very own definition:
1 make a total change by seeking God from the heart and soul
2 remove impurity to find true self

This is perhaps the shortest camp that I’ve ever attended (1 day and 16 hours), even though I only slept 7 out of the 40. For some, it was a time of rediscovering themselves, others…a time of fun and fellowship….me here, still wondering. I guess for me it was more of a time of relaxing (haven’t been playing guitar up till 3.30 am for a long, long time), of having nothing to distract me, not responsibilities, not studies, not friends…definitely not the drums (there wasn’t one)….nor having any other ‘agendas’. Just Him and me…plus my husband la…

Saturday night was the best! It still amazes me, how God being who He is, the majestic, awesome God, could love us with an unfailing love; that He is not a God distant and far away, but near to our hearts…that we can call Him Father and Friend. The whole conference room was an altar - campers coming to God, seeking Him on their knees, just where they are. That, and receiving news from the ECF side that another soul from IMU had come to Christ….wah, it was double joy for me! Ha ha! The very funny thing, being in camp, I was feeling a bit sick of missing all the crappy jokes in Friday cell, of not being able to drive ppl to church in the pajero, of the forceful beat of the drums during SNL (altho I heard imaginary drum beats in my head during camp too!) and of the late night suppers at Everyday. I never thought ECF meant that much to me. But it does. As much as CF, very much….

We even have our very own camp song! Written and composed in one day by my batch mate, Ivy Ang, it was an instant hit!

Who am I
Tell me why
I am here for
Cos sometimes I’m lost
Who will give
Me a lift
When I’m feeling weak
It’s your strength I need

Before the world began
You were on His mind
To love Him and be loved by Him
Oh what a sweet relief

Why am I – still worrying today
Why should – let sorrow stay
Come let’s be strong and courageous
Because….
He’s given – JOY PEACE LOVE and
STRENGTH to last for the day
His mercies – new everyday
Sufficient, Your grace is – A-MA-a-ZING
Oh thank You Father
For the mighty cross………
So that I am Yours……..
Mighty child of God…

First night was ice-breakers which lasted till about 1am (56 of us, six groups)… I came down with headache afte that cos have been up and about since morn, but then played guitar till 3.30 am afte supper – supper, the universal medicine…
Second day devotions at 7.30am, then had three sessions of talks (very basic and simple, yet to the crux of the matter) with games (me being me, decided to run without slippers in one of them and ended up with two very big patches of blisters..sigh) and treasure hunt (really going back and forth b/w the furthest ends of the camp site!) in between, and ended the day with a mass altar call afte last session…most of us slept around 2am bcos of the sketch that had to be presented on Sun. Again, mad guitarist slept at 3.30am…cos too overjoyed?…Nah, she’s just gone mad la…
Third day…devotions, sketch presentation…
Revealing of mortals (yes, we played that game), photo taking session(s)….

MY BATCH - The mad Sem Twos

ME & SEM 5 GANG - I'm so gonna miss them

ECF PEOPLE WHO WENT(Joseph spoiling the pic by not being in it)

Came back here 3.30pm, decided to take short nap till 5.30pm but woke up 6.30….am…
Don’t get jealous now, I had CSU at 8am today, then lectures and PBL presentation at 2pm which I did not have prepared till 1.55pm okay…. “I really have to study…” (Most quoted phrase in IMU)…

X-CAVATE CAMP COMMITTEE - see my signature?

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light. 1Pet 2:9

AWAY

IMU CF CAMP 2006 X-CAVATE

WHO AM I?

WHY AM I HERE?

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

Rediscovering ourselves by digging deep within:

What will we find?

NOTHING AT ALL....

Wah, it’s been such a long while(yet seems pretty short to me), that I actually get to chill out, not running from one place to another, trying to keep up with datelines and having my executive book filled to the max with all the things I have to do…can I really, really handle all these? No more questions, I wanna just live life as it is…
What eguitarist has been up to the last weekend:
FRI : lectures, CF Camp Committee Meeting, ‘kepo-ing’ with SEM5’s promo of the camp (there’s a camp theme song!), Outreach cell (ECF’s church leaders came to meet the juniors, about 20 of us were squeezed into Michelle and Catherine’s apartment, played the “saliva game”, can hear our slurps and laughter from downstairs, Steven says), supper at Food Avenue, ‘kepo-ing’/helping Campus Friends ppl stack up chairs for Charity Run on Saturday….
SAT : CPR Practical briefing and demonstration, lunch at Food Avenue (again!), CPR Practical Exam (I had to kiss the dummy, bleh…finished at four cos I jumped queue without knowing it, haha), SNL (sermon on growing in purity conviction, yeah, very convicted d…no kissing till marriage, yup!), supper at Everyday (food heaven of Puchong)....
SUN : (Wanted to go back visit NLRC, but the ECF ppl wanna go KLCC at 10am), went KLCC with the ECF gang (hmm…can I call it a gang yet?), Aquaria (the sharks swim in circles-u get to see the small commensals sticking underneath…whatever u call them again? bought a plush keychain for mum, hopefully I get to go back on Mother’s Day), Manhattan Fish Market (imagine 20 of us queuing up to sort out the bill!), Konikuniya (Ooooh…Gospel of Judas! No. 1 bestseller, must go Borders one of these days), Vista B pool (three ppl got thrown into the pool, I had no part in this devious plan…), ended day by reading ISBE on e-sword on Gnosticism…
MON : whatever did I do? Woke up at 11 am, I think half the day was spent reading e-sword, got my car and brought a few ppl to Carrefour (no food at IMU!! No Food Ave=NO FOOD!), studied neoplasia a lil', ate apple pie toast made by Joseph…sleep...
It’s so nice to blog about nothing at all!! (Smiles to herself, satisfied…)

UNEQUALLY YOKED ISSUE

Two sermons on purity in relationships this week, both in CF and church. Also CG this week, “If you see a Christian brother or sister doing something that is going to hurt himself/herself/others, what would you do?” What would I, or can I do, if I see my friend whom I care get attached to a non-believer? We discussed that in CG. And this week, perhaps I have not seen, but I have heard much. Why God? What can I possibly do? Who am I to correct others, especially when I’m not close enough of a friend to have the “right” to do so…? For someone who has never been romantically involved, would I ever understand how hard it is to obey God and do the right thing?? “Got feelings wat…very hard to let go when you got feelings, you know?” No, I don’t know…and no, I don’t understand. How can it be when it states so clearly in the Bible, when Pastors preach against it so much and when Christians have gone cold in their faith ever so often because of this….how can it be then, that most Christians don’t even have that simple resolve in their hearts to not be unequally yoked?? Tell me why! Why do I have to see my friends going deeper and deeper, knowing that it will become harder, and eventually it will come to a sad ending?? (well, not all the time la, sometimes the other person does come to know God)
I’ve realized something of late…if I ever do get attached, that guy has to love God more than anything else, and be able to forsake all things to follow God…even me, and especially me. I know, I have super high requirements…and if God ever brings one like that along my way, I wouldn’t deserve him. But I never deserved God…yet I have Him to call my own, my portion and my inheritance forever….
So yeah, if you’re reading this and you are “equally-yokedly-challenged”, then forgive me, because I must say what I feel in my heart. But I will not tell you whether you are right or wrong, because you already know, deep down in your heart. But this I will do: pray for you, because I can’t help not doing something, anything at all…
As for me, I believe that if it is His will for me to live a life of matrimony, He will bring along someone who will not only meet each and every one of my criterias, but even more than that, because He is a good God and He knows me better than I do. And if and when that happens, He would already have molded me into someone who would not only meet each and every one of the other person’s criterias, but also so much more….
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VICTOR AND BILLY!!!!

ANNOYED

Why is it so hard to love? God, I can’t do this. If I had my way, I’d just ignore and not talk. I’m sorry….but I can’t pretend not to be annoyed…never could.
I remember when I used to be “normal”, to have a gang or people I’d associate with everyday. I guess that as I grew up, my interests seem to differ more and more from other people, so much so that they seemed like a burden, a hindrance that I’d gladly do away with. It occurred to me that it wasn’t worth it, cos everyday was a constant struggle, I was getting more and more annoyed with people…till I know not when, I just decided that friends were a nuisance and went into “lone ranger” status. I ate alone, went to the library alone, visited the loo alone….honestly, I came to enjoy this new “freedom” I’ve found. I did have friends, but only in church and other batches. As such, they would have their own cliques and wouldn’t “bother” me that much. But we shared our dreams, aspirations, hurts and regrets…and I can say that I was always there when they needed me, always a listening ear and understanding soul, but in terms of hanging out, no.
It was in INTEC that God actually started “rehabilitating” me. I did hang out once in a while with those I’m close to, those who share my heart and interests. I jogged with Ee Ling…was it three times a week? Then there was the once in a while dinners and long jamming sessions with Peter and also hanging out with the NLRC gang and CF gang…the small birthday parties at Mc D’s, lunch after church, dinner after prayer and mamak after music practices. I learnt to enjoy small doses of company. And Trisha…I remember once not too long after we became room mates, she was asked by our class mates (we were also class mates), how could anyone ever room with me and not go insane with no one to talk to? (people generally have the impression that I’m cold and don’t talk) The thing was, she just smiled and said NOTHING. I was astounded when she told me. That was exactly what I would have her do. How could she possibly know? Fact is, we do talk, a lot, and we share deeply heart to heart…behind closed doors. We almost never go to school together, eat together or talk in school…from an outsider’s point of view, you could say we ignored each other.(Well, I had this silly thing about maintaining my cool and aloof image….which only people like Trisha could possibly know or understand…and I love her all the more for that)
But I admit that up till now, I still can’t stand sticky people, as such, I try not to encourage them, because I don’t want to end up annoyed. But when some people unexpectedly turn sticky, snap at them I cannot, push them away I cannot, love them I must. God, You did not snap at me when I did seek what I did not deserve, You did not push me away when I was filthy….but You loved me so much more than I ever can or will love You. So help me Lord, to love like You did, to remember that You gave Your blood and flesh for each and every one of them, that if I loved You, I would love those whom You love and gave Your life for…

Linda is patient and kind; Linda is not jealous or boastful; she is not arrogant or rude. Linda does not insist on her own way; she is not irritable or resentful; she does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Linda bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Now that is what I want engraved on my tombstone! How far is the truth from what I want to become. But God is real, and in Him I have hope still….

EXTRAORDINARYNESS

I’m done with my exam! Logically and in the highest probability, I would get an A minus. It IS probable that I would get an A, but yet I’m afraid to set my hopes too high? But it cannot be, cos I really feel in my heart that I would get an A…dare I claim the promises I think I heard You say to me?
Last week was a total…? Sometimes I wonder if I’m not doing what He would rather have me do….like studying in the midst of exams. Yet I’m quite sure that bringing a soul to Him and bringing that soul to Outreach cell was definitely what He would have me do.
But perhaps I should learn to let go…I don’t have to do everything and be everywhere…or will He give me the grace to do it? And still score well? I need a rearranging of priorities…(and also a breakthrough in bridging the gap between me and my housemates).
I realize more and more, I can’t possibly get As all the way through…or can I? How puny my faith can be at times. I think that perhaps in a few weeks time, I might just end up like everybody else and be content with just being in the Dean’s List, which is actually no small feat, considering that there are less than 12 left in the current SEM5s. And I know people who have given their all for You…. they don’t even get an A minus most of the time. Am I supposed to lower my standards, to say that just being in the Dean’s list is enough, that an A isn’t worth it cos it’s just too hard, that I’d rather use that time to serve You in more fruitful ways…should I? But isn’t it true that even if I may not work hard enough to deserve an A, You will still bless me with one nonetheless because You delight in me? I don’t see any such incidence in my seniors…yet am I to say that just because I don’t see such a miracle in others, that it cannot be or must not be possible? Am I to be normal like everyone else….or extraordinary? I refuse to believe that it isn’t possible, I refuse to be ordinary…red light…self-pride? I hope not…
I’m an ordinary person, in an ordinary world, with ordinary capabilities….but I live an extraordinary life, because I believe in an extraordinary God. I want my life to reflect that…it is not how far You can bring me; it’s how far I’m willing to go with You.
Anyway, it’s still an ordinary world I live in….so for now I’ve made the resolution to not let myself be behind lectures even for a day. Hmmm… I think this is the second time that I’m making this resolution…extraordinary God, help me keep it!
Btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY EE LING!!!!!
My testimony for this Saturday:
During my semester break, I wanted to work, but also help out with orientation in IMU so that I would get to know some juniors. So I prayed to God, that if it was His will, I’d get a job, or not I will join orientation. I couldn’t do both because it is very hard to get a job if you only wanted to work for one month, and orientation was only one month away. So in faith I went to Sri Petaling, n got a job, which was actually quite a miracle bcos my boss’ motorcycle was spoilt tat day so he couldn’t go anywhere so I got interviewed n hired on the spot. During my work I made a friend, n whenever our work shift was the same I’d fetch him to n from work since he has to walk 20 min. One day he asked whether he could come to church with me the next time I went, but could not bcos of working hours. Shortly after that, the shop closed down just before orientation. I didn’t meet him anymore but still kept in contact thru msg. At last I got him to come last month, and also the sat on Easter weekend. After the altar call I noticed tat he was wiping tears so I told him tat it’s not what pastor says or what I say, it is how real God is to him…and also to not take too long to decide. Sun I msg him, he said he can feel God’s love, tat God is real. Mon I msg him to come to outreach n he said he has decided to bcome christian. So on tues Victor n I met up with him, n closed the deal! It was that simple! N also, I did join orientation. So in the end I not only got to work n join orientation, I was also used by God to bring a soul to Him!

ENCOURAGEMENTS

God has been very real to me these past few weeks…I remember praying last year, “God, please be real to me…” Now it feels like if He were to be any more real to me, I’d just die…(just joking God, please be 10 times more real to me…)
Thank You, for giving me that word when I was down, for bringing me through the storm and blessing me through and through…indeed, it’s an honor to serve You. I feel a certain release now…
Last Tues my friend said the sinner’s prayer….it strucked me, how simple it was…I didn’t feel like I did anything at all except to obey God’s leading…last year I remember asking God, I wanna do something, I wanna bring people to You…but yet, now that it has happened, I felt like He did more for me, so much more, that it was a favor on His part rather than mine…
Last year, ther were times that I felt like a failure because till then, I have not brought a single soul to Him…I told Him so. And the fact is, He could have used anyone to bring my friend to Him, but yet He chose me. I’m encouraged, very encouraged…that He has chosen to honor me, just by putting me in the right place at the right time…I wanted to work, and it’s amazing how God can use even our fleshly desires to accomplish His plans…how He can fuse my desires with His…
It’s a joy to be an instrument to bring others to Christ, but yet how much more would it be to disciple a new believer, which I cannot do bcos he’s a guy. To teach him to read n understand Your word, and to see him walk in all Your ways…that’s why I’m believing for a girl next time around…
But yes, bringing someone to Him is so much better than getting a string of As..
I try to talk to new ppl who come to ecf, and also the juniors in cf…also to talk to one new person each Sat in church. If I do that then in one year I’ll know 52 new ppl…yeah…ha ha…
I sit back and look…wow, great and mighty are the things that He has done in my life…how wonderful…indeed, the grestest reward and honor in life is to serve You…

QUESTIONS

I think he was touched (my colleague) during the altar call to receive Christ. Was it a wiping away of tears I saw? Hmmm…will keep praying…
This coming week will be the most hectic of all…and my test is the following Mon…we’ve (God & me) made the agreement that this test will determine whether I cut some slack and drop some commitments or not. Naturally, I don’t want to drop any… therefore I am kinda desperate to do well, so much so that I’ve thought about skipping Sat service. But after some thought (as it always happens), I’ve decided to really take the plunge…yup, I’ll go for every single one of them…and leave the rest to You!
But what if I don’t get an A? What’s more important? Serving and honoring You by going for meetings and service or glorifying You with my results??? And what kind of result would be glorifying to You? What is my best? An A? And is it my best in studies after my best in CF and church or before? But even the top students here don’t get an A that easily…
As a student, my first priority is to study…that’s what I’ve always been told. But how can I say that I’ve even tried giving my best in all, if I don’t at least go for CF or church? And experience tells me that both can be my best…whatever my best is….. (I give up. I realize I have neither the capacity nor time to figure this out, so I’ll just follow my heart and trust You as always)
It’s encouraging to see Li Shun and my junior William faithfully coming for church and CF every week (although I’m not very sure of his motives). Now I’m not the only one who’s ‘in between’. How come I’m always the ‘in between’ person? ECF has this thing called Outreach cell, which is divided into two cells-one consisting of SEMs 5, 3 & 1 and the other SEMs 4 & 2. I’ve noticed lately that they tend to go to church and sit during supper according to the grouping. And I realize also, that disturbingly, I’m the only one who happens to be confused. Sigh. It only struck me when *SEM4 senior* asked, “Are you with us or with *SEM5 senior*’s cell? Because I realize you’re closer to the SEM5s and 3s…. ” Ha ha ha ha ha……sometimes I do believe that I’m in the wrong intake….”sometimes”…
When all is said and done, I realize that I am exactly where You want me to be….Have I been called to stand in the gap?
Ok, this is one confusing post…that’s all for now…

EXCITING TIMES

I just realized I have an unpublished blog in my notebook…
Saturday, 11th March (should be kua…)

BEING WHERE YOU ARE

I just wanna be where You are
In Your dwelling place forever
I don’t wanna worship from afar
Draw me near to where You are

THE WONDER OF HIS MAJESTY

I’m amazed and in wonder of everything! And for what reason, I really can’t tell. Maybe cos this happens to be the first time I’ve brought a non believer to church. So this is how it feels. What did I do? (And to consider the fact that he was the one who initially asked to come)Well, absolutely nothing at all! Ha! I just followed His leading. This guy happens to be my colleague from work whom I’ve quite often offered to fetch to and from work when I was employed. (Yes, if I lost the use of my car, I’d suffer comparatively less than others, esp. Victor. I honestly think he uses my car more than I do. Thank You for blessing me with a car so I can bless others!) Things become so much simpler when you just let Him live through you, many a times I had no idea what I was doing…till results started to show…you stop, and wonder how it happened, but still, not very sure what you did and how everything turned out as if you’d been planning and scheming for years…then stunned for a moment, not being able to figure anything out, you stand in awe, of everything that He is, and everything He does….till you realize, HE IS GOD. Unfathomable, in control, all knowing, almighty….wonderful! I know You’re laughing this over….well, I’m only human, how can I not wonder and be amazed?! Wasn’t I made for this very purpose? To stand in awe of You? I feel like singing….

Ya, today he came again. Honestly, I still struggle to approach the subject of Christ directly with non-believers. As my senior says, “People are actually very open to the Gospel. If we don’t grab the opportunity when it comes, then we will lose the generation.” Yes God, keep on challenging me, to not take opportunities for granted, but to have the courage to grab them as they come.
One amazing thing, come to think of it, I actually enjoy talking to people, in and out of CF and church, esp those I don’t know. I am slowly catching the vision of ECF, to reach the campus, even in my own small little ways. Well, we all start somewhere…
Ha ha, I’ve got CPR test (passing mark is 84%) and CSU (Clinical Skills Unit) on Mon (no, I’ve not studied), I’m still behind lectures…with greater workload comes greater faith, that’s what I believe. Challenging. That’s what life is right now. Some things that I’ve done the past week : drive a Pajero (did I spell correctly?), talk to more people, solo in church.
Just a thought….they sang that song again – All I need is You. Why do I need God? My answer would be.....because I have nothing else. To have nothing else yet everything. Amazing...
Scripture currently on my mind :
When they had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?” “Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit,” Elisha replied.
2 Kings 2:9.
Why? I have no idea. I turned to it cos I want a double portion of someone’s spirit before he leaves. But I’m not his Elisha. Hmm…do reveal to me God…
Yes, I do notice also that my posts are getting longer. It reflects the intensity of God’s work in my life. Yes, I am living in exciting times….there’s actually lots more, this is only half the story, but I don’t want to make my posts draggy. As they always say…ahem (clears throat)…
“TO BE CONTINUED…..”

ALL I NEED IS YOU

All I need is You, all I need is You Lord…is You Lord…

Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Ps 73:25-26

You never said that life would be easy. No it’s isn’t. But You’ve promised that You’d walk with me, that at moments when my legs may fail, You will carry me through the storm. How real can it get? Perfect love, that everything pales out in comparison to it, that makes me cry and laugh both at the same time…I did during worship, crying one second then laughing the other…
Who, O God, is like You? And what can I compare Your love to? Nothing in heaven above, the earth below or in the seas can ever compare… What or whom do I have besides You? Nothing, other than what You’ve blessed me with, and no one, other than those You bring into my life. You are my portion and my inheritance forever…I desire nothing else…or rather, I desire nothing more…that when all else falls away, I know I have You…always and forever…

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. Ps 62:5-6

My strength and heart, already they fail me God…but You are the Lord who sustains…

Yes, I will honour You with all I am…in every area of my life…

Being human….Lord, I don’t understand…but I will never cease to believe in You…

Only You know, I can only trust and obey…

I will…every step of the way…

Lord, it hurts…

What can I say? I love You Lord, You know I do….

When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who know my way. Ps142:3

I will praise You, for You are good to me….in joy, in sorrow, in fear, in uncertainty…

Take All of Me

You broke the night like the sun
And healed my heart with Your great love
Any trouble I couldn’t bear
You lifted me upon Your shoulders

You stand on mountaintops with me
With You I walk through the valleys
You gave Your only Son for me
Your grace is all I rely on

Prechorus
Love that’s stronger
Love that covers sin
And takes the weight of the world

Chorus
I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ, take my life
Take all of me

Bridge
I love You so
And I give up my heart to say
I need You so, my everything

I need You so…

Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. Ps 42:11

Perhaps this is best…I shall devote my life to knowing You more, loving You, serving the ones You have put beside me, doing Your will…pleasing You, seeing You smile…

Oh, it’s amazing how You used one problem to solve another…I’ve broken through in ECF at last! Now I truly belong…

Thank You God, for the people You’ve put into my life….
NLRC Gang: Becky, Albert, Ee ling, Billy, Brandon, Freda, Choon Wei, Chuey Ee, Lina.
Scattered around the globe, yet still so near…for all the times we shared and still share…
Lil bro Peter (hatalaguna)..
For all the times we’ve been an encouragement to each other..
My ex-room mate Trisha…
For being my friend and knowing me through and through…
My discipler Sharon…
For investing her life and sharing her struggles…
My ‘spiritual mother’ Eu Pui…
For taking an interest in me and keeping an eye on me…
My ‘spiritual bro’ Victor…
For being an inspiration and constantly speaking into my life..
Sem 5 ppl esp Sarah, Joseph, Cindy & Ben Shyen…
For helping me find my place in IMU & CF, sharing your lives and being real…
And Him …
For drawing out the real me, and appreciating me for who I am…for walking this journey with me, to discover Your plan for our lives…

Looking back, I’d say that You’ve blessed me more than enough…
Thank You God, simply for being the greatest love of my life….

Teach me Your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth;
give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name.
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify Your name forever.
For great is Your love toward me;
You have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
Ps 86:11-13

It’s amazing how far You’ve brought me….from that rebellious, selfish, unbelieving child…to who I am today. I can never comprehend the work of Your hands. All that I can say is that they are good…You are my fortress, my stronghold, my deliverer…I hang on to You…….
For all of my days….

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. Ps 130:5-6

God of wonders beyond our galaxy, unfold Your sovereign plan…

I remain always,
A child who stands in awe of who You are....and the beauty of Your creation and ultimate plan.

ALWAYS HERE

When trouble comes, I trust in You
For I know You will lead me through
And I know You are faithful till the end

And when the storms are drawing near
When I’m with You I don’t have to fear
You’re my Shepherd on whom I can depend

Chorus
Lord You are always here with me
There is no changing God in Thee
You are the same yesterday and today and forevermore
Here on Your promises I stand
You hold my future in Your hand
My solid rock, Almighty God, I worship You

Bridge
Through the day, through the night
I know You’re always by my side

Lord You are always here with me

Through all my fears, joys, sorrows, excitements, anticipation, loneliness, stress, anxieties, frustrations, hopes, triumphs, disappointments (it’s amazing, the range of emotions we feel)….You’re always here with me. Thank You for being there, and being real to me in every way possible, surprising me with little things during the day, comforting me in the coldness of the night, challenging me to go beyond myself, yet saying that it’s ok even when I fail, that You still love me all the same. Is this madness? Falling in love with someone I can’t see nor touch or prove to exist? Am I a fool in love? Or are there greater fools out there? To not love the One who first loved us and gave His all? Or are You the greatest fool? To love a generation that chooses to harden its heart against You? Is this blasphemy? Why did You choose to love me? Unworthy and wretched as I am….it is this that never ceases to amaze me, more than creation itself…the infinity of Your love…indeed, You are love.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor death, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:38, 39

CHANGES : PART 2

From junior to senior, bullied to the bully (but I’m just too nice), church seat warmer to musician, cg member to cg leader….too many transformations, time does pass you by. What else will change? Will it be for better or worse? Pharm Sem5 will be leaving soon followed by Medic Sem4, oops Sem5 now….no more sweet Anna to talk to, Thomas to borrow acoustic guitar from, staring at Sarah both not knowing what to say, bible studies with Cindy, Victor to lend my car to and to look up to, Joseph to say hi to in the library and shake my head at wondering how he does it, Ben Shyen to be furious at and to resist the urge to strangle him half the time, Timothy to make me go ooh I didn’t look at it that way, struggling to keep up with Matthew’s train of thought and for him to tell me that I should read more…it’s happening AGAIN…time to get my autographs and say my goodbyes. I hardly got to know them! But at least I did. And to think that all the way through, You were there, watching, guiding, caring, loving…did I please You?
I don’t know what will happen in the days to come, I eagerly anticipate the future, yet I’m fearful. I’m not so sure of myself this time, how I should think, feel, act…I don’t trust myself. Help me to do what’s right. I’m not sure what to think or how to feel…or what to want. Pathetic? Yea…All I know is that You know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. I will trust with all my heart and every fiber of my being… trust that all things will be made right and clear in due time. I'm uncertain about the future, but certain about the God who holds it in His hands, that He is faithful and knows what is best.
Why do I feel like life is passing me by? I feel like I’ve only really lived for the past one and a half years. Maybe cos that’s when I’ve stopped living purely for myself, but more for others, and most of all for You. I feel like I should have taken more pictures, spent more time with more people and told them how much they really meant to me….Yes, life IS meant to be shared and given away…only then, it gains real meaning. And to think that I’m only 21….what’s next? I really can’t wait, knowing that my life is being choreographed by the God of wonders.
Jesus I belong to You, You’re the reason that I live…the reason that I sing…

M1/06 ORIENTATION: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE – FROM A SENIOR’S PERSPECTIVE

All the horrors…this time as an Orientation Officer (OO). As a junior, I couldn’t care two hoots as to how my group fared, as an OO however, it reflects how efficient you are-you don’t want your group to come in last! Fate had it that I was to help out with Grp 2 along with some Sem4 seniors (How come I always sesat?). We had for the group leader, MA, who laughs more than she talks, nevertheless, outgoing and full of energy…..and as IMCC, KC (He volunteered! First time in IMU history…). Very daring of him. It was both fun and agonizing, trying to find a bra, blouse, skirt and wig that would best fit him (He’s supposed to be a schoolgirl). Our theme was Narnia hence the group name Narnia Singa. Thank God it’s not perverted but apparently, Nia Sing means something in Cantonese…wonder what. Ignorance is bliss. Here goes….
DAY 1: RETRO DAY
We had group members dressed up as Mahatma Gandhi, Charlie Chaplin etc. Only got three signatures for signature hunt. Blur OOs like me…sigh. Din exactly know what games they played during Ice Breakers later in the day cos all the OOs (including me) were busy splattering one another with flour and butter to be paying attention. The juniors definitely had it worse off…the homemade stink bombs just kept falling…pity.
DAY 2: SURPRISE DAY
The day to dress up as anything to IMPRESS! We came as one big happy dysfunctional family, from the dead hopping pontianak great grandfather to the spastic child. Funny, but the dress code people didn’t seem very impressed…oh well…we tried. One signature. Double pity. Double sigh. Dun care. Darn good OO I made. IMCC photo shoot in the evening. It was real tough getting him into a girl’s swimsuit.
DAY 3: CIRCUS DAY
Real fun. The clowns were fantabulously convincing. Plus the hula girls. I was a fire blower, well, to be more accurate, lighter blower. Definitely our best day. Many signatures. The best is yet to come…Treasure Hunt…yes, yes! Fourteen stations, each with a different task, all over Bukit Jalil. The OOs joined in the fun too. I dipped my hair into fish gut (man, the number of flies!), almost kissed a guy mouth-to-mouth if it wasn’t for the egg that was in the way and transferred dead fish from one wormy container to the other (using my mouth, yucks, then again, no smell, no taste…as if I’d be so dumb to try…), the few memorable things that I did. I so love treasure hunt! For all the wrong reasons….Our group had the highest number of injuries…ahem, non orientation related, mind you. Leader had knee injury, three others had foot injuries…you could imagine the pace at which we moved. I made a grave mistake at the beginning, was running ahead of the group, hoping to pull them along, yet, I realized, my purpose as an OO was first and foremost to attend to the well being of my group members, not to win. Sorry God, wrong focus. I walked at the back for the last eleven stations.
DAY 4: CARTOON DAY
Most of us were too tired to bother dressing up. Still, we had a Kim Possible, a Princess Jasmine and a Little Red Riding hood. Realized that we still had one day to go before Variety Night and no IMCC dance or sketch. Panic panic.
DAY 5: HALOWEEN DAY
No one went for dress code check. I was down with cough and a sore throat. Saw the doctor for the first time due to illness in like_ years. That bad. Recuperated in bed for almost half the day to wake up in time for Variety Night. Can’t describe what happened there cos I obviously did not watch.
DAY 6: TELEMATCH & BBQ NIGHT
Great day for us! With six seniors and five juniors (it’s usually all juniors), we won four, tied one and lost one. Two groups did not turn up…which cost them dearly (minus 50 points).
Well, after how despairingly we did for the whole orientation, we actually ended up second runners up…from the other end. Just glad that we weren’t last….it was a wonderful experience…laughing, bonding, rolling in the mud….yeah, I’d definitely do it again next sem (see you ar, LynnX).
Went to church at night…the chicken wings were gone by the time I got back. Sob sob…I’m still having a sore throat anyway.
God, I so wanna get well!

COMPANIONSHIP

All of us want company some time or another in our lives…someone to live out this bleak existence with …yours truly here not being excluded (pardon me if I sound miserable, I’m jobless). Why it is then that I often seek solitude, seemingly being indifferent towards many, pretending as if their company and presence in my life meant nothing whatsoever to me…giving the false impression that I merely tolerated their presence, or was offering my company out of sympathy due to them being deserted by their friends? That I, coming upon my batch mate, when finding her in the midst of her ‘gang’, would turn away pretending not to notice or care…when yes, if provided the opportunity, would gladly sit with her probably hours on end, as many of you, my close friends can testify, yet seeming as though that it was I who was doing her a favour by the presence of my person…How I love to pretend not to feel! Perhaps I do secretly think that people, in general, would prefer the company of the more fun-loving, boisterous, gigglish (and lame) group, over this melancholic soul…maybe it IS true most of the time, that I’d only dare offer my company, with the excuse being that some company is always better than none…Oh, by the way, that ‘batch mate’ thingy was grossly exaggerated out of proportion to illustrate my point…I do not like anyone here THAT much, as least not yet. Well, yeah…in the meantime, I’m content with being the one everyone calls in their time of need, always available at any hour, day, place…under the pretence of doing a favour or “being there for you when no one else would” or rather, that infamous “ I really have nothing better to do..” line (how many of you actually believed me), when most probably, all that I really wanted….was a little of your time and presence in my life. So if all this just sounds a little too familiar to you…just play along, pretend to be ever desperate for help or continually forsaken by everyone…I’d hardly dare offer my company otherwise. Why? Because I’m just too proud to admit it, that like everybody else… I would like some company…once in a blue moon.

IT DOES??

It DOES! Love DOES make the world go round!
"It was love that moved God to all His work in creation and redemption. It was love that enabled Christ as man to work and to suffer as He did. It is love that can inspire us with the power of a self-sacrifice that seeks not its own, but is ready to live and die for others. It is love that gives us the patience that refuses to give up the unthankful or the hardened. It is love that reaches and overcomes the most hopeless."-Andrew Murray
No, it wasn't easy to love, still isn't. But I can be rest assured that I am created in the image of God, and the very nature of God is love, therefore deep down, somewhere within me, there must be the capacity to love.
Show me how to love, let me see people through Your eyes and not my own...help me love as You did. For without love, I realize that everything I do will amount to nothing.
"...if I have....but have not love, I am nothing." 1Cor13:2
Help me love the people on Your heart. It is not by my own strength, but You living in me.
Oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRISHA!!! So glad you're here...though our paths may have diverged..

THE HAND OF GOD

I just lost my job! It’s a huge disappointment. I was planning to work till the end of the month. The reason being that all my other colleagues quit and there aren't any replacements (sad, isn't it?). Business will only resume….they can’t say when. There goes my source of food….and my independence…sob sob…Well, at least it was great for that one month…
Clearly my plans are not His, I wanted to work and He let me…for one month. Yes, I will join orientation, yes, I will commit at least one week to spending time with my family, and yes, I will honour my parents…and grandparents.
During the course of my work, I realized what it truly meant, the impossibility to serve both God and money. I agreed to a lower pay compared to my colleagues for the privilege to not work whenever I needed to fulfill my commitments to God. Things will indeed be different when I’m a medical officer because I’d be fulfilling my calling, even when it means missing church and serving in church (which I hope will not happen). My service would be outside the walls of the church...but nevertheless, for God. Anyway, back to my job, which I lost....I got free meals, made a friend, became a friend and accomplished my goal of experiencing the working life. There. It was worth it. I have no regrets.
Still one month to go before Sem 2…what now? Lead me, as You always do.
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps” (Prov 16:9). So true.

MY VALENTINE

Valentine’s Day, the day that many anticipate, for those attached, to spend time with that significant other…for others, hopes of finding that special someone (still others, business opportunities…lots of em). Does love really make the world go round? Why the desire for another? Is the pressure around us too much to bear, the fact that more and more of our friends are getting attached? Even the mentality of the world which thinks that if you ain’t got anybody to spend Valentine’s Day with, then you’re a loser… is just nonsensical. But it does prove one thing-that we all want to feel loved, special, and appreciated….
I am loved; by the King of Kings…He loved me so much that He came down in the form of man, stripped of all His glory, to suffer humiliation and death on a cross, all in the name of LOVE. He knows the very number of hairs on my head, that if I were to count His thoughts concerning me, it would outnumber even the grains of sand. Have you experienced perfect love? Do you really have need of another? Perfect love cannot be found elsewhere.
Why would I want any other? I don’t want any other, yet I’m only human. Not my will but Yours be done…I know I’d be happy, regardless of the choice I make, because true happiness is found in You. Would You give me strength to choose the one and give up the other? Because the other is not the life I want to live…life being bound and having to please another…You know what’s best, I do not claim the right to choose.
I just wanna give my whole heart to the One who loved me first. Help me love You more, that I’d live every moment falling in love with You, over and over, and over again…that everyday would be a fresh experience with You. Take me deeper in love, take me deeper with You. I am waiting; will You call me into what I want?

HONOURING THY PARENTS....AND GRANDPARENTS

I wish they’d make it easier for me to do so…but then God wouldn’t need to command us to honour our parents if it were no big deal. I’ve never been forced by my parents to do anything against my will(thank God)…a luxury that many of my peers don’t seem to have, simply because my parents found out quite early that it wouldn’t do anybody any good. I never had to ask permission, unless I needed money. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so adamant about my decision to work although my parents wished otherwise and my grandparents strongly disapprove (now I NEVER have to ask for anything). However, they'd never command me to stop work...knowing that I'd just get pissed off and stop talking to them..perhaps. They know me well. I just don’t like being controlled, or pressured to do the things I don’t want, by anyone at all, even those I love. No, I don’t wanna go back, I’m perfectly happy where I am. Yes, I am an ungrateful child….. I wanna be my own person, completely….and for the very first time in my life, I CAN claim that I AM independent. That means the world to me, more than anything, more than….obeying God and honouring my parents. I’d give anything….shhh….he (the devil) knows….is he getting to me already? I can’t give it up yet….deep down inside….my heart still sings – IT’S MY LIFE. See? Those who love me do suffer…

MY HAPPY HOLIDAY

Everything I could possibly dream of is now opened to me. I’m fully independent, with a job, car and place of my own; my fit in CF and in ECF (yes, I finally made it into the worship team after the six months wait, wa ha ha ha...). Am I in dangerous ground, too much in bliss for my own comfort, in need of nothing more? Absolutely no! I have no idea how to facilitate a CG nor am I exactly very confident of my soloing skills….I need God more than ever! Not to mention also in parasitology, pathology, microbiology, pharmacology, community medicine! I just love a busy schedule…but will all these take up too much of my focus and passion, that I put spending time and knowing Him better as my second priority? That would be one of my biggest pitfalls…
The six months in IMU was not easy….I mean in terms of not having anyone to turn to. There were moments of frustration, especially when I lost my wallet and someone living in puchong found it and I had to go get it but was completely at a loss how to get there…with no one to call…at all…blame my ego lar…But I made it through, now not so alone or on my own anymore. Ha ha, life with all its ups and downs, knowing that everything will come to pass soon enough because He is working…
Today we had a sermon on togetherness, the “word that isn’t in my vocabulary”. I admit that I am very individualistic and I do value independence above all things, I guess even God. What’s wrong with eating alone and watching a movie alone and driving alone?? Well, nothing wrong with the act itself but when one is obsessed by it, that one MUST, that it satisfies you more than anything else….. It’s just not what He intended us to be. I still can’t let go of this area, I’ll struggle at this all my life….no man is an island…
This is my best holiday yet in my entire life…why didn’t I work all the holidays before? I love being independent….keeping in mind that God made it all possible..
Something my dad said, that I’m drifting further and further away, physically, emotionally….no, I don’t miss my family…I was never emotionally attached…I see going back as a duty. Another sin, not honouring my father and mother…all those who love me suffer, sometimes I wish they’d love me less….
Malacca doesn’t feel like home to me anymore, Shah Alam and KL wasn’t and isn’t exactly what I would call home. Where is “home”? The closest place on Earth I can think of is CF….but that isn’t exactly a place. Then again, home is never a place, but where your heart lies and where you belong. Heaven? Hmm…

NEW YEAR WISHES?

There’s simply no point in making New Year resolutions, no point in listing down multiple goals that will be too complicated and too numerous to achieve. Of course, I DO wanna get A for Sem3 End of Sem, AND get into the worship team, AND wash the toilet every week…But what do I really want?
I want a heart that’s completely devoted to You…..please? No matter if my motives are 100% pure…I ask that my heart may be completely for You. Set me free…and take this cup away from me….I DO wanna be set apart for You. Yet not my will but Yours be done…
Lord, I don’t wanna be the next scandal in CF (it’s an insider’s joke, dun ask).
I’ve just been asked to be CG leader for my batch….I must say, I’m a little taken aback by the mere weight of it. Dear God, are You sure You know what You’re doing? With all my quirks and awkwardness in dealing with people, not to mention my immaturity in thinking, regardless of the impressions I make, plus all my inconsistencies between CF and ECF…but I guess we’re all lacking in one way or another, lest we believe that we are perfect and not in need of You. Maybe it’s time to take that step of faith…into the unknown. Lots of times I ask, why do I do what I do? Is my heart really for You? Is it because I love You and wanna serve You? Or is it the fact that I have no life outside CF and church? Do I live for the ministry, or the One behind the ministry?
I don’t know my heart, would You reveal it to me…?
People are looking…will I fail You?
TRUST. Such a simple, yet difficult word.
I’ll soon be 21….a full fledged adult. There’ll be work, and then exams and more exams, with CF and church in between. Help me to not lose focus and always look to You, beyond and above my circumstances, to not forget to pray and care about the ones closest to me and those You have brought into my life. Teach me how to live...
There’s this five “I will”s from a DUMC sermon I heard quite some time ago…stays with me still, pasted on the front page of my bible…
I WILL:
1. Not be a quitter.
2. Accept both instruction and correction.
3. Not waste my time, energy and talent on meaningless pursuits.
4. Bend and not break.
5. Put my whole heart in everything I do.
Yup, I will…I hope…

Where do I go from here, God? I don’t know, only You know…lead me I pray. It is only in You that I am truly found.

FRIDAY NIGHT PICTURES

This is our Friday night concert...I know it's not really clear...but from left, on stage : me, Matthew, Michelle, Stephanie, Ben Shyen, TJ, Ee Yan & Victor. Down : Joseph & Catherine. There were quite a few great performances that night, including the CF musical with Ben Shyen, the three violinists (Matthew one of them) and a duo who performed the Phantom of the Opera theme song. I have no idea why the theme of the concert was masquerade, I mean, most people thought that Friday Nite was a ball...

Some more up close pictures...

OF EXAMS, BLESSINGS, FRUSTRATIONS, RESOLUTIONS, ANSWERED PRAYERS AND EVERYTHING ELSE-THIS IS LIFE

As I sit here typing into my (ahem) new Acer laptop…..it says here Intel Pentium processor (2.0 GHz, 533 MHz FSB, 2MB L2 cache), 60 GB HDD, Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 900…etc etc…can’t understand why my dad got me this..heck, I only need it to run my Guitar-pro and maybe play some songs and do some school work…now I can watch DVDs and store what seems to me a limitless collection of mp3s?? Seriously, sometimes I’m just too spoilt for my own good. What am I saying? I’m supposed to be thankful, of which I am…just that I don’t enjoy being spoilt…I believe in working to get what you want…
Speaking about working, I’m now a waitress of a coffee house in an area near where I live in KL…the working time is flexible, six hrs a day, I can study the rest of the time and still make it for church, CF and music lessons..exactly the kind of job I prayed for(I just love serving people). How I got it? Divine intervention! God malfunctioned my boss’ motorbike so that he was there when I was and I got interviewed and hired on the spot! I got free lunch and dinner today…believe me, after 2 yrs in Shah Alam and almost 6 mths here…I’m just thankful to have decent meals…I never complain about food nowadays!
Anyway, back to where I was….so here I am typing into my NEW laptop…..I survived the 1st sem of medical school! Wasn’t too hard…I’m more of aiming for my 3rd sem…highest failure rate, with only 3 As from the current sem4, but of course, thank God the current sem3 did so much better…I guess I’ll have to surrender to the fate of a medical student…study, study...and study more...
I got my first traffic ticket just a few days ago for parking on the yellow line (Why me? It was only for a few minutes). I’ve learnt my lesson God; I shall never do that again…
Also a few days ago, my hand phone broke down without prior warning, had to send it for repair and was reduced to using public pay phones…it’s no fun, trust me…
Therefore, got myself a new watch to keep track of the time…the strap on this one won’t break that easily at least..
Oh yeah, our Friday Nite band ended up being called “John Three Sixteen” Why? That’s the whole idea(get it?)…the sound system wasn’t that grand, no one actually heard the guitarists, but at least I looked good and had my name cheered from the back of the auditorium…you have no idea how that feels…like it totally makes your day. Victor was loud as usual, he literally rocked the entire place and drowned us all out…way to go Vic! I hope you never come across this blog...ha ha….speaking of which, the “obnoxious” worship leader entered his own name into google search and found my blog! Congrats, Ben Shyen, you’re the first… (shaking my head). Truth is, he really is quite endearing, esp in the CF musical (performed during Fri Nite also)….such a voice….
Chuey Ee commented that I seem to have many friends in IMU…hmmm, is that so…maybe, but I’m still waiting for God to send me my close friends…I know, I shouldn’t be sitting around and waiting, but that’ how it always has been…my close friends were always “thrown” at me. I’m kinda attached to sem4 cg now…it’s weird, but I somehow feel “linked” to the sem4s…I feel so at home with them…maybe cos they seem to be the quieter and more theologically inclined group(well, most of them)…Sarah, the cf president, is ever so insightful, whereas Timothy, the cg leader, is deeply profound…
Oh, happy birthday Peter…I wonder whether it’s still Monday there…you are officially 20….ha ha ha…welcome to post-teen crisis… (is there such a thing?)
Well, not gonna do any CNY shopping except maybe a pair of pants….there are more important things than the clothes on our back…will save up to buy four PS t-shirts this year(I bought two at the last conference)…ain’t I just mad?
Got to go sleep…

INSTINCT

To be separate and distinct, to me, is an inborn nature. No matter how much I try to be “normal”, or go against the flow, it’s still there, not willing to be subdued, in adamant, unwavering….I guess CBT (cognition behavioral therapy) doesn’t really work here…no matter how much I try to change the way I think, I still feel the same…the harder I try, the worse it becomes...
What would draw me to another person in general? I would say a deeper level of connection…to share each other’s greatest aspirations, biggest regrets, deepest fears…life experiences, doubts, discouragements, values…etc. To help each other find our place in life, to make sense of the world together. What is worthwhile: Being able to experience the common things in life with those who’d appreciate and see life on a deeper level as you do (yeah, I’m a melancholic).
I’m sorry, but I just can’t seem to find meaning in the simpler, more superficial things of life. I couldn’t care less, it’s a waste of time, and *** ***** ** ****! (it isn’t foul language, just some dysfunctional thinking). Is it because of pride that I refuse to be shallow? That makes me think that I’m different? Maybe higher compared to others? I’m starting to see more and more defects in my attitude here in IMU than I have for the past 20 years of my life, it scares me…

10 WAY'S TO MAKE ME LIKE YOU
1. When meeting me for the first time, try to be as deep as possible.
2. Show off your musical skills! (IMPORTANT: Hide them if you're a guitarist)
3. Respect my space and privacy.
4. Be as technical as possible, even if I don't understand you.
5. Take your studies seriously.
6. Keep lame jokes at bay.
7. Try not to gossip (criticising musicians is not gossip) or talk bad about others.
8. Do not talk about guys in "that kind of way" (talking about a guy's skills is ok)
9. Do not flatter me on superficial things eg. clothing, or say that I did great just just for the sake of encouragement(NOTE: Flaterry is highly recommended when you genuinely think that I did well).
10. Share my likes or dislikes.

SIGNS THAT I DO LIKE YOU
1. I spend time with you for no apparent reason, other than I enjoy your company.
(NOTE: I have ALWAYS been able to avoid unpleasant company, unless it has to do with Godly obligations)

PSALM OF SINGLE-MINDEDNESS

Lord of reality, make me real
not plastic synthetic, pretend phony
an actor playing out his part, hypocrite.
I don't want to keep a prayer list
but to pray
nor agonize to find Your will
but to obey what I already know
to argue the theories of inspiration
but submit to Your word.
I don't want to explain the difference
between eros and philos and agape
but to love.
I don't want to sing as if I mean it
I want to mean it.
I don't want to tell it like it is
but to be it like what You want it.
I don't want to think another needs me
but I need him, else I'm not complete.
I don't want to tell others how to do it
but to do it
to have to be always right
but to admit it when I'm wrong.
I don't want to be a census taker
but an obstetrician
nor an involved person, a professional
but a friend.
I don't want to be insensitive
but to hurt where others hurt
nor to say I know how you feel
but to say God knows
and I'll try if you be patient with me
and meanwhile I'll be quiet.
I don't want to scorn the cliches of others
but to mean everything I say.....
including this.

Joe Bayly

THE TRUTH IS....

Being frank seems to be the hardest thing to do….to open up to admit that you’re not that ok…wanting to vent out frustration, but not dare out of fear that you’d be thought of as immature or lacking in faith….I know I cannot, but God can…we say that all the time, but when situations seem impossible, do we really believe in it although we pretend that we do, so as to not discourage others? Or again because we didn’t want others to think less of us? Would they understand? That it takes so much conscious effort on some people’s part to just sit down and have lunch with others? Something that is so commonplace and simple…Will they think that you’re just being pessimistic…making excuses for not reaching out….To admit that it stresses you up so much…that you break down at least twice a week…just to get up again the next day, pushing on again, because you know that you must….having to spend moments frustrated because fitting in just seems so hard….but yet pressured because everyone else is reaching out and bringing people to outreach cell…. where’s the line between living in lies (eg. I’m aloof n cold) and being who God has made me to be? Between obedience and being hypocritical (ie. making friends out of obligation)? Where is the balance? Tell me God, am I trying to please You or other people? Must I do what they say I must? I want to, yet every step hurts… To learn to enjoy company, to like the things that I normally don’t because others do….some say I try too hard, that I shouldn’t go against my nature….others say that I’ve not tried my best…have I?? They don’t know me….but what difference does that make? Am I supposed to be excused just because I think that I’m different? Outreach cell is 4pm today…one of my batch mates is bringing 3 friends, the other 2….me? How am I supposed to tell them that I don’t have friends…..it’s frustrating….for those who care, I hate to admit this, but I owe it to you guys…..NO, I’M NOT OKAY….

FRIDAY NIGHT BAND

Since IMU Friday Night Concert is just around the corner (9th Dec, pls pray 4 us), I’ll give some insider info on the band……
WORSHIP LEADER: BEN SHYEN- 21, SEM 4
Outspoken, lively, ex-ASEAN scholar who wowed his lecturers by going from Fs to As in two months b4 the A Levels examinations. Sentimental, likes emo songs, can be serious at times, big headed (constantly brags about how good-looking he is), has a great sounding acoustic named Melody, best male vocalist I’ve met so far, can be obnoxious or endearing, depends how you look at him….
BACKUP (CO-WORSHIP LEADER): STEPHANIE- 20, SEM 3
Tanned Chinese Sabahan with lovely long curls, an infectious laugh and a strong voice. Doing a solo on the third song, You Are My All (an ECF worship song, very beautiful). Still has some remnant of her Canadian accent…
BACKUP: MICHELLE-19, SEM 2
Ex-Melbourne PreU student from Penang, girl next door appeal, sweet voice..
BACKUP: MATTHEW-21, SEM 4
Multitalented, was an obsessive gamer, pretty deep voice for someone not-so-big, has difficulties using simple English...
KEYBOARDS (RHYTHM): JOSEPH- 20, SEM 4
Also ex-Melbourne PreU student, from Miri, studious, well-informed, laid back, straight As student all the way (very rare in IMU), nominee for the Gold Medal Award (for the top student in the Dean’s List at the end of the course)
KEYBOARDS (MELODY): CATHERINE- 17, SEM 2
Younger sis of Michelle, jumped 2 yrs under PTS, also ex-Melbourne, bright-eyed, charming….
LEAD ELECTRIC GUITARS: TJ- 19, SEM 5
Ex-GIS (Garden International School), Chinese Malaysian, outgoing, constantly breaks out in solos at nerve-wrecking speed in between songs (SHOW-OFF!!), interesting fact that after 21/2 yrs here, nobody knows his real name….he’s just….TJ…
BACKUP ELECTRIC GUITARIST: ME- 20, SEM 1
Peculiar quiet girl who loves loud music, not-so-typical tastes and interests, sometimes reclusive but can be more outgoing than most extroverts during a rock concert, considered to be studious and serious by many….
BASSIST: EE YAN- 22, SEM 5 (PHARM)
The only pharmacy guy in the band, perfectionist, maintains his cool, down-to-earth, likes jazz…
Last but not least…. (drum rolls)….
DRUMMER: VICTOR- 23, SEM 4
One very skilled and loud drummer from Alor Setar, plays punk style, can be extremely playful or serious depending on the situation, analytical, quite blunt and frank at times, likes to teach (or lecture, really good at it), Chelsea freak, larger than life (I don’t mean size here, although it’s both ways), kinda cute with his fringe falling all over while playing…

We have not thought of a band name yet….now collectively known as Victor’s Band, cos he’s the one who got us all together. I know, very big band, Victor can be quite ambitious at times…it’s his last Fri Nite…and quoting from him, “ It’s interesting to see how band members with such different styles and personalities can come together and gel..” We’ll be emphasizing a lot on showmanship (entertainment value), which means we have to move around a lot as we wanna attract the crowd that is mostly non-Christian. This will be our platform to reach out as a group and individually as well…again, do pray for us.
That’s all about the band...
One more practice to go and it’s SHOW TIME!

CHANGE

God will not demand from us more than we can give…to the extent that I can be with people, to that extent I will go, no more, no less….I know that I can change, I’ve seen others change, I myself have changed somewhat, I know that there is hope, as long as I hang onto Him. I don’t need to be stressed cos He has shown me who I will become, He has called me to minister to people…and if He calls, He will equip. I’ve learnt that I cannot stand on my own, that I need Him, I need others who understand to support me, to know that I’m not the only one struggling, to know that there are others on their knees praying for me. I don’t have much, but what I have I will give, I don’t want to be the same, I DO want to change. God, I know I shouldn’t compare with others cos You have made us all different, I know I won’t change overnight, but I will keep pushing although it is hard and it hurts…cos I know that You are shaping me with Your own hands…and I trust in Your plans for me….just one small step each day, or however big a step I can take. I know that You have everything worked out for me, if only I will let you shape me according to Your will….I will always stand in awe of Your majesty…and all the wonderful plans You have in store for me.
If you guys noticed, I’ve changed my profile. I choose to change, I think I have….
ME. I am ALOOF, COLD, ANTI-SOCIAL. I feel choked in groups. I prefer to have my own space. I value my privacy. When in doubt about how close you may come, STAY AWAY. It is better to be safe than sorry. I have a BIG ego. I don't like being controlled, I won't hesitate being rude when pushed. I enjoy having my own way. I am hard to please, so don't bother trying. Knowing me is a privilege. To those given this privilege, I can be warm, open and dependable. I might have a soft side. I love my guitars. I am obsessed by guitars. I live by grace alone. I am a long way from being the perfect person expected of me. (my old profile)