BLESSED... LET THAT BANNER BE RAISED

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' Acts 20:35

Indeed, it is more blessed to give than to receive. However, it seems that everytime I approach a group of people with the intention to give, I always find myself more on the receiving end.

I came back to my hometown with the intention to give. But as this holiday draws close to an end, I know that I'm better off, for the people who gave so willing of themselves eventhough I may be just a passing wanderer, here today and gone tomorrow.

I'll be travelling up to Penang this weekend, and so will not be stepping back into a sanctuary filled with just over 50 people but who easily drown out the music by thier singing and are not afraid to show their joy of being able to Come.

It feels great to just be in a charismatic church again. Somehow, perhaps Malaysian charismatic churches have forgoten what it means to be 'charismatic'. Sure, the youths jump when a 'suitable jumping song' is sung... but in one 'charismatic' church from my past, the congregation hardly ever move, and in another, the pastor is always exhorting the congregation (sometimes in desperation) to lift up their hands again and again, in every single service. Whereas here, everyone (literally everyone) takes every (literally every) opportunity to raise both their hands up high and to wave them in the air (and of course, drown-out the music).

An act(like the lifting of hands) can be taught, but worship cannot be taught - it flows from the heart.

It will be a long, long time, till I can again sing 'Hallelujah... kibarkan panjiNya..' in the midst of a people who really mean what they sing, and show it. When I picture them waving their hands (and the church leaflet which happens to be bright green) in the air ... I smile.

Oh well, there'd still be one last cell gathering next Thursday. And seriously, I've never been to a cell where I feel so refreshed after too...

Sometimes you wonder, who really are the weak? Indeed, those who need a touch form God the most... and many times, they happen to be from the upper middle classes.

So it is more blessed to give, but I've been blessed by receiving.

It's a good thing this particular church has 30 branches all over Malaysia (I just realized from their calendar!) May they keep being a blessing and raising Your banner up high for all to see, regardless of how the recent drama in Peninsular Malaysia turns out.

I'm to head to Sabah next year with the intention to give, but we all know how that will turn out. =)

Sometimes I wish there'd be someone to rebuke me or give me a very good scolding. Everyone is generally understanding and encouraging, which is good, but I desperately need someone to look me in the eye and tell me what I really need to hear.

Can You give me one? Please? I need a Bishop Hwa Yung.

[Less than two weeks]

THE DARNEST THINGS PRIESTS SAY

Aaron trying to explain to Moses how the golden calf came to be:

They [the Israelites] said to me, 'Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him.' So I told them, 'Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.' Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and [POOF!] out came this calf!" Exo 32:23-24 (brackets mine)

=.="

This passage never fails to astound me (and make me laugh) each time I come across it.

Way to go, Aaron! Although our sins will be remebered no more, what you said shall remain for all generations on earth to be astounded by and laughed over (and as a word of caution for ourselves) whenever Exodus is read.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE ONE MY HEART LOVES?

Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?
If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.
Songs 1:7-8

And I had always been following Your shepherds, and the tracks of the sheep who have gone before, because I didn’t exactly know where to find You, or where You would have me be and have me do.

Don’t we all start out that way? And don’t we prefer it that way?

To follow in the tracks of others. To have someone to tell us what to do and which way to go.

But not always would we have tracks directly in front of us to follow. And it isn’t always that we would have shepherds beside us all the way.

Would we still seek out our Lover fearlessly? Or would we just choose to sleep? To be like a ship carried aimlessly by the waves of this world?

Not so the beloved. She said:

All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him.
I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him.
The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. "Have you seen the one my heart loves?"
Songs 3:1-3

Perhaps, if we search and do not find, we haven’t been looking hard enough. We should remember what Rafiki said to Simba in the Lion King - “Look harder…” – and we will find.

I have found lately that my searching has led me to rather unconventional places…and the trend looks set to continue to be so - be it among Indonesian maids or factory workers, or the indigenous community of East Malaysia.

It’s amazing where you’d find the face of God when you go searching for Him. In fact, I wonder if there is any place on the face of the earth where we would not find Him [not that I can say that from experience (yet)].

I think, I know what’s the first thing I’d say when I finally see Him face to face for real. I would say:

“All my life, I have searched for You.”

Only let it be true at the end of this race.

My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.
Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.
Songs 2:16-17

CINA TAK NAMPAK CINA

When I was in college, I’ve always dreaded buying lunch from the stores in my hostel on Mondays and Fridays.

I am Chinese, but I don’t look very Chinese. And wearing a baju kurung (Malay traditional wear, which is compulsory in my college on Mondays and Fridays) only further accentuates my non-Chinese features. Thus, a normal Monday/ Friday typically involved dissaproving looks from the Malay womenfolk, and chastisements like, “Pakai tudung, dik!” (Wear a headscarf, dear!).

Oh, how I used to resent that and wished I looked… more Chinese.

Yet…

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
Ps 139:14-16a

And today, I no longer wish I looked more Chinese, because, where You are leading me, looking more Chinese would make me stick out like a sore thumb.

Not only my looks, but how You specifically engineered my circumstances, experiences, skills, the people in my life, and even my likes and dislikes… I see now, how they all fit perfectly together like a jigsaw puzzle that was always meant to be, and will be.

All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Ps 139:16b

Let every step I take bring me closer to the completion of this jigsaw puzzle.

And let us not waste time in doing so.

REMEMBER & FORGET

Tis the New Year.

We celebrate the New Year with concerts and countdowns and fireworks (at least here in Malaysia we do). As wit every year, we start off by entertaining ourselves... a trend that is set to contibue for the entire year.

You know how the Israelites celebrated the New Year? By remembering the Pass-over. Yes there was feasting, but feasting with a purpose - a lamb, with unleavened bread and bitter herbs - to remember. It would do us good to likewise remember.

I remember… the God who found me, carried me, set me free, is always with me, goes before me, is working things out for me, and has plans for me – plans to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future. A God who is never changing, whose days never end, who holds eternity in His hands.

I remember… that I was bought by Your blood, am set apart for You, set free… to live for You and You alone.

I step into the New Year with You. Let me not look backwards but forward… to all You will show and do through me and another year of being Your hands and feet. =)

But one thing I do: Forgeting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:13b-14

Forget? What do we forget? What is behind – what we have turned our backs on in choosing following Christ… our ‘old life in Egypt’ – of slavery, of misery, of shame, of failures and dissapointments.

Let us let go of the past, that we may take hold of the future He has for us.

Let us remember, and forget.