A LIFE OF APPRENTICESHIP

Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less to our own; finding the meaning of our lies not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting a rise and fall of our enthusiasms.
~A long obedience in the same direction (Discipleship in an instant society), Eugene H. Peterson

Christianity and medicine are similar in this: both are based on a life of apprenticeship. But they are different in this: that while in medicine one begins to develop more and more confidence in one's own capabilities over time, in Christianity one develops only more and more confidence in the Master; that while in Medicine you come to depend less and less on your superiors and more on yourself in the training, in Christianity you come to depend more and more upon the Master and less on yourself.

EQUATIONS IN THE NIGHT

This holiday is rather boring because I'm not attending my Indonesian church's cell group or the Manipal College CF. I figured that my holiday is too short and I'm away from Malacca two weekends anyway to be able to properly connect... so unlike the last holiday where I had plenty of time. Sigh.

I've been having melancholic insomnias for the past two weeks or so.

Boredom + no WAH cell + still missing Mr. A = melancholic insomnia.

Where's God in the equation?? Nothing balances very much when I don't know where You are in my equations...

Anyway, I received an email from the University of Melbourne stating that my average aggregate is 70. But hey, I still fall within the middle one third of my class! (Albeit the lower portion of that middle one third). For what it's worth, I don't regret the time that I spent playing in the music ministry or spending time with the people important to me whenever I could, coz I really don't know when's the next time I ever get to serve in the music ministry anymore or stay out late with friends on a whim.

Growing up isn't very 'fun'.... XD

Hold my hand and walk with me...

Jadilah terang bagi jalan-jalan ku.

JOY

I want joy.... not the cheap kind that is offered by entertainment or even friendships, that lasts only a moment - but a joy that comes from You.

MORE QUESTIONS

Coming back for the second time to my Indonesian church here... I sometimes have a feeling that I want to stay - I want to wave my hands in the air singing, "Engkau baik" and clap to "Hatiku percaya", I want to read from my hardly touched Alkitab, and I want to get to know these people whose culture are so different from mine yet make me feel so comfortable all the same. And not to mention I think that there are 'cables' here that they can help me pull to get into Hospital Besar Melaka! But they're pentecostal... and I'm not exactly 100% comfortable with pentecostal theology anymore...

I wonder when I'll really come back... the longer I stay, the harder it'll be.

And where's my Indonesian guy??? >.< Ngapain kau ga muncul-muncul lagi??

A NURTURING SPIRIT

When I stayed with my previous housemates in my first year of Melbourne life, I remember picking up one of their books one day, entitled 'Being a nurturing woman of God' or something along those lines, and thought to myself, "Why would anyone want to read a book on being nurturing"?

Right now I'm thinking to myself, "Gee, that would have been a good book to read."

Throughout this year, I have been surrounded by numerous women that I would have labeled as particularly having 'a nurturing spirit', from a cell mate to my good friends to my current Ibu-s (mums) and Kak-s (big sisters). But of course, the 'Most nurturing woman of the year' award goes to the intern that I was paired up with during my General Medicine rotation.

Coming back to my Indonesian church in Melaka, I am reminded again of how nurturing the women here are - talking to the Pastors wife (whom we all call Ibu, as with every other 'more matured' women) for just 3 mins, I can feel her nurturing spirit oozing all over me! I honestly think that the tradition of calling all the older women Ibu-s and Kak-s has a lot to do with it - every single time you speak to a younger woman, you are reminded by her salutation that you have a responsibility to care for her as a mother her daughter, and as an elder sister her younger ones.

Thank You for all these women that You have put in my life this year. May I too, have and learn to develop this nurturing spirit, that I give proper care to those You have entrusted to me as younger (or even older) sisters and mums.

Year 2010
Loving being with people: CHECK
Having a nurturing spirit: WORK IN PROGRESS

MORNING WONDERINGS

Quiet times these days has been times of weeping before the Lord... of hurts that weren't fully rid of in the busyness and happening-ness of Melbourne life.

Was there something more that I could have done that could have changed things? Feels like the closure I need is just a "no" to that question.

I need to be reminded again, that You are my knight in shining armor - You came for me.

THE DETOUR

As I told my friend that day in KL, " Five years ago, I would have thought that right now I'd be engaged to my ex and returning to work in Malaysia." Well, my life has taken a sort of detour it seems!

It's scary, because it seems like I really don't know where I'm going, or how I'm getting to wherever it is I'm going.

But Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life.." So, I need not know where exactly I'm going, or how I'm getting there, only to walk daily with Him who is the Way.

'THE-ONE-SHE-CAN'T-FORGET'

I just watched the Social Network a couple of days ago, a movie about the story of how Facebook came to be. Mark Zuckerberg is now the youngest billionaire, yet, in the movie, it wasn't about the money. He is depicted in the final closing scene as sitting in front of his laptop, re-refreshing the page, to see if his ex has accepted his 'friend' request on facebook.

Some people add as friends those they cannot forget, and others... de-friend, in hopes that they might forget.

One such person who de-friended 'the-one-she-can't-forget' on facebook asked some guy friends today if she should tell 'the-one-she-can't-forget' that she deleted and blocked him face to face, by text or by email. To her puzzlement, her guy friends said to her, "Why the need to tell? Just leave it be!", especially since her female friends thought strongly that she should tell, and even explain why.

The reason given by Guy1 was that 'the-one-she-can't-forget' might think that she is trying to elicit a response from him. Oops! That thought never occurred to her before! Yet, women do subconciously what they do not intend to do conciously - therefore, I cannot say that her intentions were completely... 'honest'.

Then Guy1 said something completely profound: "...that is why girls always think that guys don't care, and guys are perpetually frustrated by what girls do." (In regards to the differences in opinion as 'to tell' or 'not to tell', by female and guy counterparts)

Well, so the consensus is, that she should not tell or explain... but leave be - the fact that she deleted, and blocked 'the-one-she-can't-forget' on facebook.

And the fact that she still thinks that he is the MOST AMAZING guy she has ever met, so far. I guess some things, are better never said.