REMEMBER

This world's not my home

I'm just a passin' through

I'm a daughter of the Most High

I'm homeward bound.

SERENDIPITY

The term serendipity suggests that if the central aim is right, the principle of serendipity will operate accordingly. Who will tell us what life's central aim is? Christians believe that Jesus gave the world the greatest statement on purpose and by-products. He said,"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you" Matt 6:33. By "all these things", Jesus was referring to those necessities of life that persons mistakenly set up as primary aims. He was not chiding the people for being concerned with these things, for he clearly understood these needs. The profound truth is, he was showing that by seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, these human needs will be met as a by-product.

Louis O. Caldwell

Making concious daily decisions to not set up "all these things" as primary aims.

WHITE FANG

It is a story that I have read often since I was 12. Twice a year I remember. It tells the story of a half-dog-half-wolf cub, of how life was hard and the world and men cruel, how it is every dog for himself, and only the fittest survive. And White Fang grew to be hard and vicious, and survived.
I used to think that I loved this story because I too lived in a hard world where it is every man for himself and only the fittest survive. And I grew to be one of the fittest, in a sense that was required by my world. Later on however, I came to realize that I loved the story for quite a different parallel altogether.
Within the fighting ring, left to die in the jaws of a bulldog(they never let go), there came a man - the Love God (in the eyes of dogs men are gods). The story goes on to tell of how love can redeem the heart and nature of a beast hardened and made seemingly irredeemable by a world that is cruel and unjust. Of how the impossible happens, because one man chose to love that which was unlovable.
And ultimately that is the parallel I love, between my world and White Fang's.
So you see, this book is sort of my life testimony...I have yet to find a hardcover *hint hint*

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MELBOURNE THIS YEAR

1. My cell group Lighthouse 2
2. Wicked the musical & soundtrack
3. Universal Pizza restaurant & Italian food in general
4. Pedigree dogs walking on the street
5. Melbourne Cup! (horse racing)

CUTE

Haha. This is the recent 2008 Australian Idol Wes Carr. And I think he's cute (If he's really as decent and clean and down to earth as he seems). You'd come a long way before I admit that a guy is cute. But he definately is!

MY GOD

My God gave Himself, His best, so that we could be with Him, even while we were still sinners. If He did not, I doubt we would care one bit about His holiness or righteousness or power or majesty(at least I wouldn't). It would all be in vain even if we did care. But no, He is all the more beautiful because He gave Himself, that we may be with Him. We are able to choose Him because He first chose us.

My God is the God who gave Himself that we may one day wed Him, the day His heart would rejoice (songs3:11). Meanwhile, He reminds us again and again of His love and our worth to Him through His word, creation and people who are willing to be bearers of His love. He purifies us with His fire, yet is gentle and speaks tenderly to our hearts.

My God is the God who gave Himself because He wants us to be with Him, because it matters greatly(and that is an understatement). He delights in us, in who He made us to be, bearers of His image in many different ways.

My God is the God who gave Himself, so that I might be with Him.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

I named them Charmer, Bold and Friendly :)

THINKING OF THE FOTM

I was just reflecting on how I think I failed as a cell group leader back in IMU those 2 years, reason being I didn’t catch up with people outside the cell, and well…we didn’t grow in numbers at all, since I’m not very good in terms of reaching out and I did’t feel that I could ask others to do so if I did not myself.

But thinking further, I guess I was the person that was needed for the job and vice versa. Funny how I learnt to tolerate company because I was forced to be with and go anywhere the cell went. Then gradually I even began to enjoy long stretches of company (no matter how annoyingly meaningless the conversation was :D). I definitely grew skills wise (?) as well, and realized I need to be so much more in terms of being a relational person.

And really it was quite an easy job, considering all I had to do was organize a meet and everyone would come and willingly share their lives. We were definitely a very sharing & open cell. I’ve realized that time and again since coming to Melbourne and being with the Oversees Christian Fellowship here. If anything, the cell was a place to fall back upon, in the midst of the harsh realities of life…and I guess that was what we really needed back in IMU. So the cell being there definitely made a difference, and although I can’t say that I made a great cell leader, I played my part.

I remember especially the time when our cell first started in Sem2, and we were doing the ‘Reason for Community – Fellowship of the Mat’ chapter from ‘Everyone’s Normal Till You Get To Know Them’ book by John Ortberg…the questions at the end were just so tough, because they were too personal and we didn’t know each other very well then. I really regret not doing that chapter again at the end of our IMU days. I think we would have been able to answer all of the questions quite easily…because through the 2 years of carrying each other’s burdens, we really did become - ‘the Fellowship of the Mat’.

THE DESERT

After almost one year here, I still feel quite purposeless. I feel ‘like an alien in a foreign land’. I don’t seem to do much for You except study (for You?) and help people worship by playing guitar. Yet I remember the story of Jacob and his 14 years in his desert, where he seems to do nothing great for You (or looks like nothing at all in fact) except tend sheep (like me studying) and gain 2 wives and grow in numbers. But yet those years in the desert were quite essential to what You would make him to be after the 14 years, no, what You were making him to be in those 14 years. Is this too to be my desert, where I don’t seem to do much but am humbled and grown and expanded? Who knows, maybe to gain a husband and (spiritual) children (haha!), unlikely as it is. So I continue to ‘tend sheep’ and wait upon You, and if there’s anything else You’d want me to do while I’m here, please let me know me ya :)

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

Gen 28:15

THE DAY HIS HEART REJOICED

I came upon a wonderful part of a verse:

"...on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced." Songs 3:11

It doesn’t say 'the day he triumphed', or 'the day he gained for himself a wife'…but simply and wonderfully - 'the day his heart rejoiced'.

So many times when we say that God’s love for us is not based on feeling (which is correct), we forget that ‘not based on feeling’ does not mean ‘without feeling’. One cannot read the Old Testament and not conclude that God loves with feeling.

He is not a God who loves indifferently.

So I like the phrase 'the day his heart rejoiced', and I'm glad it's in the Bible.

IS IT ENOUGH?

I was asked to count my blessings. And I know indeed the list is long…everything from the air I breathe to the skills and intellect and a future that looks brilliant. But is it enough? Are blessings enough?

No. They can never be enough. Not that I’m not thankful. But even if God gave me the world it would not be enough.

But hang on…

He gave not only blessings, but He gave Himself. And because of that, He is always near. And even when I reflect on all the times when I had stubbornly chose to be out of His will He was still there, protecting me and preventing me from making grave mistakes.

Is that enough? I would have to admit, yes, more than enough. :)

JUST 7 MORE WEEKS

Familiar faces, familiar places, familiar issues in the news...I just wanna be home. It seems as if Melbourne shrinks on me day by day. Just 7 more weeks, and just 2 more years. God, why am I here? I don't like being here on my own...

FREEDOM & BROKENNESS

Freedom is brokenness – to be able to embrace it and not run from it. There is indeed beauty in women who choose not to be 'free' from brokenness, but rather to be made free by their brokenness when they embrace it. In their brokenness I see that God is enough, that His grace is all sufficient, all the more. And I can face the day with a smile. I thank You that I am broken, if only so that some day, others who are broken in the same way might be encouraged too.

BEING A BLESSING

Today I prayed for a man in hospital. He was speaking to me calmly but then broke down when the consultant came round to look at him. He was afraid that if he went for surgery again, he might not come out alive because of his heart problems (it is true, it is a big risk). He told me that he is a baptist.

I was able to tell him through praying that God cares and knows all his fears, that God is by his side and he can take comfort in that, even if all else falls away. And that God is more than enough for him.

I know how to pray because I am there too, though in a different way. And I know that God cares.

I thank You that I can bless others because of where I am.

SHOULD HAVES

An aquaintance telling others in a scornful way that he has a friend who’s really religious because he actually believes that the world was created in six days. Well, technically it isn’t literally six days, but is he trying to say that you can be a Christian yet not believe what the Bible says because it sounds foolish? I should have been more than an aquaintance, then I could tell him that there are some other people who are even more ‘foolish’ in believing that Jesus will actually come back…and that I’m one of them.

A latter day saint was asking me on the train if I believe that there is a one true Church, and which denomination do I think is right. I told him that it doesn’t matter that we believe differently on petty issues as long as our doctrine is the same, we are all the true Church. I then realized later what I should have said was if you have a relationship with Christ, you are a part of the true Church…but I was more focused on giving a logical and learned answer, rather than what was simple yet the whole point.

An old man named Ron was begging on the street. He told me that he lives alone in a bungalow and things are alright and that a couple cooks for him. I gave him three dollars, then came back home because it was cold outside. I should have stayed and talked longer. Maybe what he wanted was company and not so much money, as he admits openly that things are alright.

I should have, but didn’t.
Lord, I lay down all these should have’s and many more others down at Your feet…

HOPE & PROMISES

The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. But I the Lord will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs.
I will put in the desert the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive. I will set pines in the wasteland, the fir and the cypress together, so that people may see and know, may consider and understand, that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it.

Isa 41:17-20

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do, I will not forsake them.

Isa 42:16

Am I not poor, needy and blind? But even so He will not forsake me...so I hope in Him all day long.

PRAISE & TRUST

Oh wind! Blow upon my garden,
let its fragrance be wafted abroad.
You are a tree ‘neath the breath of God,
well watered, and firm beneath the sod.
Strong and healthy your spirit grows,
each one different, in highs and lows:
each one different, but in the plan,
I’ve planted you in the garden of man.

The breath of my Spirit blows around you each day,
strongly or still, but come what may you’ve only to bend, and joyfully sway.
Bend your proud back and happily nod,
as my Spirit brings over you rain, sun or cloud.
The way to survive is to bend, not to break,
to go with my wind and allow it to shake
you loose from your pride, and your other endeavours
by which you had thought to weather all weathers,
right all wrongs, and bring people to me;
mend broken hearts, save the drowning at sea.

A truly proud streak, and I love your straight back,
your stretching ambitions, but see where you lack?
I alone can do my work, but through vessels sound.
The way to help me, is only found
In flexible trust of all that I bring,
with praise in your heart that helps you to sing.

As you bend and sway ‘neath my Spirit this day,
I am making you into a wonderful way
by which men can shelter, gather food and find peace.
You’re my inspiration of fragrant increase.
I love your deep yearnings to do things for me,
but all I want is for you to be
a thing of beauty right where you belong,
breathing my air and growing strong.

Trust me to make of you all you could dream,
because you and I are part of a team.
I do the work as you thankfully see
that the rain, cold and clouds are as useful to thee
as the summer and sunshine, the heat and the bees;
all help you to grow to be one of my trees.

Don’t take any credit for your beauty of leaf,
but give it to me, your climate and chief.
Be thankful and grateful, and glorify me.
Let others be glad to encounter a tree.

Bronwyn Pryor

I praise You God, for the rain, cold and clouds, as much as the summer and sunshine, heat and bees.I trust in You in all that You bring my way.

THE SACRIFICE OF PRAISE

Tho I do not understand, I do not call You cruel, nor can I call You unjust…nor do I demand or need an explanation. You have given me for two years to enjoy what was never mine to begin with. You have only given, and did not take anything away from me…for what did I have that did not come from You? So I am sorrowful, but yet thankful…and I praise You evermore, for it is only that that keeps me going.

LAST BITTER POST

No point being with the godliest man on the planet, if he doesn't know how to love and cherish you nor see the need to. It is a bitter thing to say, but it is true. Will serve me well to remember that. Enough of all this I guess...I let go....

Even as I feel abandoned I know that You, Emmanuel, will never abandon me...

And eventhough people change, You are unchanging and nothing can separate me from Your love...

Solvitus ambulando cum Deo

LOVE & PAIN

I loved mistakenly....I didn't know that he'd be one who would abandon someone who couldn't say that they consider all things rubbish compared to knowing You...All I know is that I'm following You as best as I know how...I hope that that's enough for You at least...
I wish he wouldn't leave me, I wish he would stay with me always...but not my will but Yours. And tho sometimes I feel at my end, I remember, that You are my portion in the land of the living.

When my spirit grows faints within me,

it is you who know my way.

Ps142:3

PAIN, DEATH & LIFE

In our distorting fear we are tempted to invoke the power of the resurrection as a short cut to new life. We want our Easter without having to go through Good Friday. We choose to overlook the lesson of Palm Sunday: that when we offer our hosannas to Jesus and proclaim him king before we are prepared to experience the pain of his dying and of our own dying with him, our shouts become hollow...the road goes through Calvary and there is no other. Before his resurrection brings new life to us, before we can tolerate the gifts of his rising, something in us has to die. It may well be something which has been very important to us...When we seek to evade the hurt, we lose the goal (of sharing in Calvary and thus resurrection).

Greame Griffin, 'Faith and Fear'

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Heb 12:11

I will not forget that I am sharing in Your suffering, no matter how meager mine seems to be...and it is a joy to share in the sufferings of Christ, although mine would be more discipline instead of suffering for good?

For he wounds, but he also binds up;

he injures, but his hands also heal.

Job 5:18

SANDCASTLE

My God brought me to the beach and asked me to build a sandcastle. So I began to scoop sand with my little bare hands while He looked on. Little by little, the sandcastle took place, until it became the grandest sancastle I ever built. A little bit shabby, but I loved my sandcastle…so much. The sun started to set, and the tide began to inch its way in. Afraid that I was going to lose my beautiful sandcastle, I scooped more sand to build embankments. But the tide was too strong, and I saw my glorious sandcastle give way segment by segment, until all that was left was a heap of sand where it once stood. I turned to my God and wept. I said to Him, “I can never love another sandcastle as much as I loved this one. The next time we come back to the beach, can You help me build this very same sandcastle and not let the waves eat it?” My God smiled at me and merely said, “I love you.” He took my hand, and reluctantly I left the beach and what was once my beautiful sandcastle by the sea.…

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised. Job 1:21

IMPORTANCE

Help me God, to regard and treat everything and everyone as - not any less important than they are, and not any more important than they should be.

GLORIFYING GOD

Is it not alright to choose a path just because you like it to be so (as long as it is not prohibited in the Bible)? Does everything you choose have to directly glorify God? Doesn’t He take pleasure in our happiness? Or are we supposed to just pray “I would like this but Your will be done”, then just sit there and take whatever comes at you to be God’s will? If I lived on that principle I wouldn’t be here in Australia but in UK. Perhaps that was the best? Yes, it probably would have been better if I was in UK and not here.

"AND IF I PERISH, I PERISH"

I was watching a movie entitled One Night With The King, which depicted the story of the biblical Queen Esther. The part where an answer was demanded of Esther as to whether she would intercede on behalf of the Jews was particularly moving, and somewhat nostalgic. To see the very famous verses come alive on screen...

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

Esther then bade the Jews to fast, after which she will go to the king unsummoned, eventhough it was against the law, the penalty of which was death unless the king held out his sceptor to spare the lawbreaker's life. And there was a 15 seconds pause, before Esther said those very words (and I waited, not knowing if they would come, but surely she must say it!)...."And if I perish, I perish".

Why was I so stirred by those words? I guess because it reflected absolute trust and surrender to the will of the Almighty, something I'm not sure I could manage. I wonder if there would be a moment in my life worthy of those words? But even where I am, I'm afraid that a lot of times I remained silent when I shouldn't have. And the message is that if we remain silent then He will use someone else, and pass us by. Do I want to just let Him pass me by?

Absolute trust and surrender. I want to be able to say, "If I perish, I perish" in the little moments of everyday life. And who knows but that I have come to this island for such a time as this? Although I don't know why I'm here and feel continually lost.

LOST

Because there is no vision. Because the people and organizations that once inspired me are miles away. It is harder to follow God and not people.

Go where? Do what? When?

But at least I know Who, and sometimes why. :)

MY CALLING

Just realized something....that my calling is to serve my country at least till I'm 35. And if You do let me specialize in Australia...it would mean that You are calling me to serve my country till I'm at least...40plus! :)

(I am to be bonded to the Malaysian government for 10 years)

God is good... :)

TEN MORE YEARS

I have everything I could possibly dream of...I lack nothing I could possibly want. Yet it is human nature, to not be satisfied, to want more...
My identity is in Him. Yet I want my own identity....to be "my own person". That is my thorn in the flesh.
Is it un-Christian to want things for yourself? I suppose it is...

I want to be a JPA postgrad student...I want to specialize...and I am prepared to work for it, to work to be the top 8% of my class...no matter what it takes. I think that I will be satisfied when I am a JPA postgrad student. Will I? Am I ever? Will I really be prepared to give it all up when that happens? Or will I just want to be "more successful"?

Everything that I have comes from You, nothing that I have is mine. I know and acknowledge that. But still...

Sigh. Living my life as if I only have ten years more to go.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Prov16:9