Oh Lord You’ve searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me
Your Holy Presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me
You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me
At the Cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done
And when the Earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me
This song by Hillsong is dedicated to one of the great young men in their church, Jeremy Wong, who went to be with the Lord on 25th Feb 2006, to honor his life and thank God for the stand he made for Jesus Christ.
If everything was already done for me at the cross, then why do I still struggle? How far do I really believe? How much do I really understand? How well do I really know my God?
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
SPIRITUAL HYPOCHONDRIASIS
“I want to die…”
It’s just one of those times when you feel utterly defeated. You don’t want to talk about it, because every single word that comes out will ultimately serve to condemn yourself. There is no way to justify myself. I am guilty as charged, and that I know. But I am yet unrepentant. Hypochondriasis in layman terms is thinking that you are suffering from some sort to serious disease and becoming excessively obsessed with it. I’ve practically labelled myself with every negative label that I’ve heard from those referring to “not me but other Christians out there”. But they don’t know. That I am perhaps “indifferent, selfish, hypocritical…not wanting to change”. Basically, “someone you shouldn’t waste your time on.” Fact or spiritual hypochondriasis? Every single day I suspect more and more that it’s the former. I am indifferent, to the fact that preaching the gospel IS a commandment, selfish because I refuse to sacrifice my own comforts for the sake of making friends, living a double life….and the fact that I DO know, but yet refuse to change! No, frankly I’m not interested in leading outreach cell, (and I doubt whether anyone fit to be a CG leader ever says anything like this)….I’m tired of struggling, of being the ideal Christian, the ideal disciple, the ideal church member….i give up! I don’t wan’t to struggle anymore! I’m happy the way my life is….am I? Could I really be?
“A Christian who isn’t struggling is a dead Christian”. So in essence when I say that “I don’t want to struggle anymore”, I am actually saying “I want to die…”
Therefore I can't say such things....ever.
Who am I that You are mindful of me?
(And I’m glad that there is One who never gives up on me even if I and everyone else does…including myself!)
It’s just one of those times when you feel utterly defeated. You don’t want to talk about it, because every single word that comes out will ultimately serve to condemn yourself. There is no way to justify myself. I am guilty as charged, and that I know. But I am yet unrepentant. Hypochondriasis in layman terms is thinking that you are suffering from some sort to serious disease and becoming excessively obsessed with it. I’ve practically labelled myself with every negative label that I’ve heard from those referring to “not me but other Christians out there”. But they don’t know. That I am perhaps “indifferent, selfish, hypocritical…not wanting to change”. Basically, “someone you shouldn’t waste your time on.” Fact or spiritual hypochondriasis? Every single day I suspect more and more that it’s the former. I am indifferent, to the fact that preaching the gospel IS a commandment, selfish because I refuse to sacrifice my own comforts for the sake of making friends, living a double life….and the fact that I DO know, but yet refuse to change! No, frankly I’m not interested in leading outreach cell, (and I doubt whether anyone fit to be a CG leader ever says anything like this)….I’m tired of struggling, of being the ideal Christian, the ideal disciple, the ideal church member….i give up! I don’t wan’t to struggle anymore! I’m happy the way my life is….am I? Could I really be?
“A Christian who isn’t struggling is a dead Christian”. So in essence when I say that “I don’t want to struggle anymore”, I am actually saying “I want to die…”
Therefore I can't say such things....ever.
Who am I that You are mindful of me?
(And I’m glad that there is One who never gives up on me even if I and everyone else does…including myself!)
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