INSTINCT

To be separate and distinct, to me, is an inborn nature. No matter how much I try to be “normal”, or go against the flow, it’s still there, not willing to be subdued, in adamant, unwavering….I guess CBT (cognition behavioral therapy) doesn’t really work here…no matter how much I try to change the way I think, I still feel the same…the harder I try, the worse it becomes...
What would draw me to another person in general? I would say a deeper level of connection…to share each other’s greatest aspirations, biggest regrets, deepest fears…life experiences, doubts, discouragements, values…etc. To help each other find our place in life, to make sense of the world together. What is worthwhile: Being able to experience the common things in life with those who’d appreciate and see life on a deeper level as you do (yeah, I’m a melancholic).
I’m sorry, but I just can’t seem to find meaning in the simpler, more superficial things of life. I couldn’t care less, it’s a waste of time, and *** ***** ** ****! (it isn’t foul language, just some dysfunctional thinking). Is it because of pride that I refuse to be shallow? That makes me think that I’m different? Maybe higher compared to others? I’m starting to see more and more defects in my attitude here in IMU than I have for the past 20 years of my life, it scares me…

10 WAY'S TO MAKE ME LIKE YOU
1. When meeting me for the first time, try to be as deep as possible.
2. Show off your musical skills! (IMPORTANT: Hide them if you're a guitarist)
3. Respect my space and privacy.
4. Be as technical as possible, even if I don't understand you.
5. Take your studies seriously.
6. Keep lame jokes at bay.
7. Try not to gossip (criticising musicians is not gossip) or talk bad about others.
8. Do not talk about guys in "that kind of way" (talking about a guy's skills is ok)
9. Do not flatter me on superficial things eg. clothing, or say that I did great just just for the sake of encouragement(NOTE: Flaterry is highly recommended when you genuinely think that I did well).
10. Share my likes or dislikes.

SIGNS THAT I DO LIKE YOU
1. I spend time with you for no apparent reason, other than I enjoy your company.
(NOTE: I have ALWAYS been able to avoid unpleasant company, unless it has to do with Godly obligations)