GETTING HONEST

I wonder if I purposely want to be distracted? So that I can avoid thinking of this.

I can keep this from people… but what makes me think I can keep it from You?

Get honest with You. Get honest with myself.

It’s not the money, it’s not the 36 hours, it’s not even the flawed system.

I’m just so very, very, very, tired of this cycle of building up and letting go.

To start from scratch. Again. Relocate. Again. Say my goodbyes. Again. To be alone in the midst of a multitude. Again.

Reality will definitely hit. When my friends acquire those two sought after references. When they frustrate themselves with the choices of hospitals. When they submit their applications. When they wait anxiously for the results. When they prepare for the interviews. When their internship positions are finalized.

And at each point it will hit – I am not doing all these… because I am leaving.

It is not something I can run from. Not anymore.

So if lately I’ve been a lot quieter or laughed considerably less, particularly in group settings………….. you know why.


And of course, lately too, I'm afraid there’s also some danger of giving part of my heart away. Which is…. annoying! ....I think… I do seriously.... like him.


*Prolonged sigh*