YOUR STORY

We want to be part of Your story
We want to be part of Your glorious hope
We want to be part of Your story
Whatever the cost
For the story

We’ll take up our cross
Counting all loss
Whatever the cost for the story

(The Story – Daniel & Jess Hammond/Insideout)

Thank You for the priviledge of being part of Your story.

This is our heart’s cry - that You bring us to the place where words become more than just words, and our lives truly shout ‘Whatever the cost’…for Your story.

TRAGEDIES

There was once this guy and girl who fell for each other. Unfortunately, they could not be together because of a long-lasting feud between their families. Romeo and Juliet thus decided to end their lives, because death would be better than living without the other.

The story of Romeo and Juliet is often thought to be the epitome of “romance”. Yet, it was never written to be so. Instead, it was originally written as ‘The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet’. Yes, a Tragedy – because they could not see past their present feelings.

We all feel strongly for something/someone at some point of our lives. Yet, at the end of the day, we know that feelings are merely feelings, and are at best fleeting and temporary. It would be good if we could always see feelings as they are, and not fall into Tragedy.

This night I am reminded of another tragedy that isn’t quite a Tragedy. The tragedy of a man on a cross, because He so loved… and it wasn’t just feelings – He loved with a Passion. And perhaps the greatest Tragedy of all…was if we failed to recognize that the one Love that we cannot lose is the one Love that we mustn’t (I hope that sentence makes sense, I think I'm getting rather sleepy).

So yeah, it really doesn’t matter if the guy I like is “just not that into me” (I’ll forget all about it when I get back to Msia anyway). I already know that I have a Love that I cannot lose – and that’s what’s really important.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:38-39

But of course that being said, I’m still female and I have feelings… and the fact that people in hospital and OCF keep bringing up BGR topics really doesn’t help! I’m really so gonna have a good laugh about this 2 years from now….I might as well just start laughing right now! XD XD XD

....and I am convinced that things really can’t get any more amusing than this!

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. – Paul, Acts 20:22-24

Paul knew what lay ahead, yet he still went. And I know too that daily around the world, many are making the same decisions - to follow Christ wherever He leads, no matter what the cost. They're no longer people just preparing for eternity as something that was bound to happen some distant time in the future. Eternity, for them, is already in full view.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. Matt 13:44-46

As Jim Elliot said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

And I solemnly hope too, that we will be no fools - to make every effort to keep what we have 'stumbled upon' so freely, no matter what the cost.

THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN

I can feel it coming...

In just one more month, I will be back in front of the TV again every Saturday - the only time of the year when I will be found there! Only that this time around, on the first Tuesday of November, I will not be in my living room as per last year - but right there!

Tis the season of Melbourne Cup!

A PRAYER OF MOSES THE MAN OF GOD

I am reading Psalms 90 over and over again. It says of Psalms 90 in my Bible – a prayer of Moses the man of God. It is difficult to not feel your heart break as you read this psalm in context.

They say that Moses probably wrote this psalm near the end of the Israelites’ 40 years of wanderings in the desert.

Just slightly less than 40 years ago, God raised Moses and Aaron up to lead and deliver the Israelites from Egypt with great wonders. Finally, after years of hardship and slavery in Egypt, God had heard their cry and was finally going to bring them into a land they could call their own - a land flowing with milk and honey. There was great rejoicing - as men and women, young and old - sang and danced on the other side of the Red Sea.

But in the period of more than 2 years of travelling in the desert towards the promised land, Moses had to deal with the repeated grumbling and rebellion of the Israelites, and their continued lack of trust in and contempt of God. Again and again, Moses and Aaron had to stand in the gap when God threatened to completely destroy the Israelites – and they were faithful in doing so. Yet no amount of standing in the gap could prevent God’s wrath, nor turn the hearts of the Israelites to the God who chose them to call His very own. So Moses watched helplessly as one by one, the people of his generation perished during the 40 years of wanderings in the desert – a consequence of their sin, when they were already on the very borders of the promised land.

Numbers 20 following this is probably the saddest chapter in the Pentateuch (5 books of law). It starts with the death of Moses’s sister, Miriam, and ends with the death of his brother, Aaron. Wedged in between was the incident which cost Moses the right to enter the promised land himself – he was to die outside the promised land too.

Psalms 90 is of a very different tone from the song of great rejoicing that Moses and Miriam sang in Exodus 15 after they triumphantly crossed the Red Sea. It is the sorrowful prayer of a man, wearied and broken by the harshness of life. Yet faith was there – faith that was buried under an enormous burden of grief – but nevertheless still there and no less alive.

Read Psalms 90 in context… and see if your heart does not go out to him.

Moses was aware, probably more than most of us, that life is short and uncertain at best. He knew that there was no permanence or safety to be found in it. But he was also aware that God exists and has always existed, that He is the one sure foundation of everything, and that the person who is anchored in Him is eternally secure. Moreover, a person who trusts God has a safe “dwelling place” in Him. Here we have no fixed home, but like Moses, Abraham and the other Old Testament patriachs, we look “forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God” Heb11:10 (BSF notes)

So when you feel that this journey on earth has wearied and broken you, when life’s harshness has caused you to stop hoping, and you feel that there is nothing that this earth could possibly hold for you – learn from Moses, the man of God, and look forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God, where we may eternally rest secure.

Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. Ps 90:1-2

Yes, and You will always be… my God, my resting place.

We give our hearts undivided

We give You everything

With no reserve here we surrender

We give it all to You

(Love Eternal - Hillsong)

Why do we desire more when all You are is more than enough for us? Let us only desire more of You.

TIRED?

Am loving the late night teas and early morning sahos with You. :)

Just another day someone asked me in church, "Why do you never look tired? Do you really study medicine? My other medic friends always look tired."

I would like to think that it's because I know the importance of waiting on You to renew my strength. Then again, the fact that I'm quite slack probably has something to do with it as well! XD

Help. I need to study.

MARCHING ON

On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire. That is how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. At the LORD's command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD's order and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the LORD's command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out. Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out. At the LORD's command they encamped, and at the LORD's command they set out. They obeyed the LORD's order, in accordance with his command through Moses. (Numbers 9:15-23)

I’ve never paid much attention to this passage in previous readings (which, for Numbers is like years ago!). I think when we read these sort of passages we tend to gloss over it like how one would study history. But BSF covered it two weeks ago and yesterday I was reminded of it yet again by one of the girls in my cell group, whose life is a practical example of this passage.

She came over to Melbourne as a student, graduated and found a job, an apartment, a future husband, ministries and friends and brothers and sisters; like most people. Of course, she plans to return to Malaysia/Singapore one day – but well, it has always been “one day” in the near future…that was, until she told us yesterday that she will be handing in her resignation letter end of this week. It was so sudden, so totally unexpected. But the cloud lifted for her, and she is moving forward deliberately in obedience.

Some are waiting impatiently for the cloud to lift…and it seems like God is taking forever.

For others, the cloud lifts when they least expect it to…sometimes inconveniently too soon.

Yet we all know that sooner or later the cloud will lift, and it will be time to move on.

And though for each of us it might sometimes seem too long or too soon, we know that His timing is impeccable and perfect. Our part is to wait when He says wait, and to move when He says move, whether it is one night or two days or a month or a year; morning or evening – to trust and obey, and to always fix our eyes on the cloud for direction.

Read the passage again. Now everytime I read it, I just go, “Wow..”.

The cloud is a reminder of God’s grace and His sovereignity. His grace is seen in His willingness to be with His people and to direct them clearly in their march. His sovereignity is seen in that He determined when and where they should march. God did not explain these leadings. The people simply had to move when the cloud moved and stop when the cloud stopped. (BSF notes)

May we all find courage and speed to move forward when the cloud lifts for us, and strength and patience to wait when it still covers the tabernacle in our lives.

March on, sister! :)

IN PAIN

‘You see,’ Antonin told me, ‘it’s unpatriotic to be a Christian in Czechoslovakia these days. Some of these people have been blackballed at work. Many have missed out on education. And that’ – he took a small box from the hands of a young man who stood beside him – ‘is why they want you to have this.’

The young man was speaking very earnestly to me in Czech.

‘Take this to Holland with you,’ Antonin translated, ‘and when people ask you about it, tell them about us and remind them that we are part of the Body, too, and that we are in pain.

I took the box and opened it. Inside was a silver lapel ornament in the shape of a tiny cup. I had seen several of the young people wearing them and wondered what they were.

Antonin was pinning it to my jacket. ‘This is the symbol of the Church in Czechoslovakia. We call it the Cup of Suffering.’

Brother Andrew (Founder Open Doors International) - God's Smuggler

I remember once watching a video of Christians in China back when persecution was still at its worst. It was a scene of Christians kneeling down by the river with their hands lifted up as they sang. And as they sang... scores of police came and bludgeoned them with clubs. Yet they did not move, they kept singing by the river. That imagery has stayed with me since.

The cost of discipleship...

When one part of the Body suffers, the rest suffers with it. If we do not somehow suffer along with them nor feel compelled to do anything, then something must be very wrong... is it not? Are we even part of the Body then?

BLESSED & EXTREMELY BLESSED

I’ve always felt blessed, yet there are certain times when one feels extremely blessed. =D

As Edmund said during the sharing at the retreat (quoted rather loosely), “The temporary things in life would have no value if that was all we had, without God.” How true.

Knowing that You are my portion forever gives me the security and freedom to enjoy the present as it is – temporary, yet no less wonderful. No ‘what if’s or ‘should not’s. No wanting for more or wishing that things would last longer. No striving or grappling in the dark for that perfection that seems so far away, because I already have Perfection Himself.

So I am thanking You this night for the eternal as well as the temporary. I am extremely blessed - because my King sees me, has saw it fit to dwell with me, and cares enough to elevate me to where He is.

Because You fill this hole in my heart that no one else can, and topped it off with the icing too! (I think this is the first time I've seen a birthday cake with a hole in the middle! So symbolic...I like!)

I thoroughly loved this weekend, so much more than words can express or convey. I enjoyed every minute and every second of it - for reasons more than one. Thank You. :)

By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life. Ps 42:8

THE ROCKING HORSE

There once lived a little girl. She was happy because she was on a vacation in a cozy little village over the seas with her Daddy. It was such a dreamy place. She loved walking along the serene streets and gazing at trinkets on display in the windows of shops. You see, little girls learn to window shop pretty early on in life. One day, she passed by a particular shop, that had on display a particular rocking horse. It wasn’t just any rocking horse – it was quite special. Slowly yet surely, the passing days found the little girl returning to this particular shop, to gaze at this particular rocking horse.

But of course the little girl knew that Daddy would not get her that particular rocking horse, nor did she ever thought of asking. She knew that when the vacation ends and they returned to their very own city, Daddy would get her any rocking horse she wanted - if she wanted.

So without a word, on a cold winter’s night, she climbed into Daddy’s big arms while he was sitting in his chair. Searching his eyes, she saw that he understood all. And there she laid into the night, with her face buried in his chest, vowing in her little heart to not walk along that particular street again. She knew that her Daddy loved her, and that was enough. And it is true, he did love her…very much.

And that rocking horse? It was too small for her anyway, no matter how special it was.

=)

For all the times when I want to be there with people who are personally important to me but cannot because there is so much to do and so little time (and medicine is only one part of it!), I thank You that I not only have one year and 5 months...

...but all eternity...

...because of what You've done.

Thank You for the price You paid.

THE IN-BETWEEN YEARS (INTEC & IMU)

THE 'NERDWHOLIKES2ROCK'

My upper highschool years were the ‘rebellious’ years. Everyone goes through those periods. Mine involved playing Metallica songs on the electric guitar in church. No, I am not proud of what I did then.

Those were also the years when I studied like never before (or again). As one friend commented, I ‘makan, minum & tidur bio’ (ate, drank and slept on biology). I was the bio queen. Needless to say I came out of highschool with a scholarship at hand.

Another thing I remember quite clearly during that time was when I went out for an altar call one Saturday night in church. The visiting preacher while praying for me said, “You should go out into the streets and lay your hands on people, and they will be healed!” HAHAHA! Until this day I still have no idea what he meant…perhaps he was ‘seeing in part and knowing in part’? Since I am hitting the streets now as part of soup van AND I will soon be a doctor and therefore sort of heal people? Or maybe one day I will literally lay hands on people on the streets and they will be healed??

Whatever it is, what he said did have an influence – I ticked the box that said ‘medicine’ in the scholarship application form!!!

And sitting here today in my room in Melbourne, 7 years into the future, I wonder, what if that preacher didn’t come to my church? What if I didn’t choose to go out for the altar call? (and I can’t remember what the altar call was about right now) Would I still have ticked ‘medicine’?

And what if I didn’t get a scholarship?

What if I never went to INTEC or IMU or came to Melbourne?

What if I never knew Ee Ling or Eu Pui or Matt or the countless other people who made an impact on my life?

What if I never had to step out/up or be broken or be stretched like how I was?

I honestly can’t imagine. I’m guessing that You would still have brought me to where I am today, through different means and different people. Tapi Tuhan, betapa ku mencintai segala yang telah terjadi.

And I stand in awe of Your hand upon my life, because I know that at every point and every turn, You were there guiding, lifting, carrying me - through it all; to be who You want me to be, who You’ve made me to be.

…all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Ps 139:16

A GIRL & HER GUITAR

I was home alone. It was one of the stormiest nights in Melaka in the year 2000. As with every storm, the main fuse in my house tripped. I resetted it, but again it tripped. It was total darkness inside, with the storm raging, lightning blazing and thunder roaring outside.

So I took my guitar and sat at the door, started practicing my ‘family chords’ and sang out loud, albeit with delays because I just couldn’t change between chord that smoothly yet. And for the next two hours it was me and my guitar against the storm, to see who was the louder.

Needless to say we didn’t win, but that was the start of a beautiful comradeship, between a girl and her guitar - a girl who can now change smoothly between chords.

It was a relationship that at one point took precedence over You, but later on became a means to an end - and still is.


May we never stop glorifying You through what we do best, together.

HISTORY MAKER

It was an open air concert in a lane between the two buildings of a mall in Penang. The stage was more than 10 metres away, and although separated by the large crowd, I could still feel the vibration of the bass drum going ‘thump-thump’ in my thorax. It was drizzling more and more by the minute and shallow pools of water were beginning to form at various places on the uneven ground. But we didn’t care, we kept on jumping – we wanted to be history makers.

Jam With the Lamb 1999 (JWTL ’99) was my first ever youth Christian conference and concert after I knelt down in the computer room and said the sinner’s prayer the year before. I remembered wondering, “Why are all these people jumping?” during the first night rally, and by the second night I was part of ‘all these people’. The theme of the conference was Millenium Revival (?I think), with the verse, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Rom 12:2. Sadly, that was all I remembered about the conference itself – I admit I remember more of the night rallies. JWTL ’99 in the years to come was always remembered by me as the one where they had the hugest and most impressive speakers that I’ve ever seen, never to be paralleled, not even when Planet Shakers came for their first conference in 2004.

Is it true today that when people pray
Cloudless skies will break
Kings and queens will shake
Yes it's true and I believe in it
I'm living for you

Is it true today that when people pray
We'll see dead men rise
And the blind set free
Yes it's true and I believe in it
I'm living for you

I'm gonna be a history maker in this land
I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind
I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run
Into your arms, into your arms again

Well it's true today that when people stand
With the fire of God, and the truth in hand
We'll see miracles, we'll see angels sing
We'll see broken hearts making history
Yes it's true and I believe in it
We're living for you

(History Maker by Delirious?)

Honestly I’m quite horrified by what I sang as a naïve 14 year old. Did we just sing because it sounded great? Did we just jump because it was fun? Did we even stop to think of what we were singing? I wonder.

Well, fact is I did sing it. I sang that ‘I would be a history maker in this land’ – and the land I was jumping upon when I sang it was Malaysia.

And you know what? This day, I still stand by what I sung 10 years ago.

SHOW ME

I’m still reading the same book, and did not even finish a single one of the DVDs I borrowed from the library. I just saw my results today (I have not done so badly since primary school) and yes, I do feel slightly dissapointed, but for the most part I’m glad that I passed.

I think I’m having a quarter-life crisis!!!

This holiday is different from the last because…there isn’t any particular someone I would like to spend it with (except You!)…and my normal preoccupations don’t seem to interest me as much.

I am thinking about who I was before, and who I am now. And there’s just this huge gap in between those two, as if years were lost because I’ve never really sat down and seriously reflected on the big picture of seasons in my life, or rather when I did so in the past it just all seemed pretty fuzzy.

It’s funny how you listen to old songs you used to play/jump to in the past and you get flashes of how your life was back then?

Show me Your hand upon my life as I go back and reflect on seasons past, that I may run forwards freely and unreservedly for You.

ALL SMILES :)

Contented. Amused. Thankful. :)

And sometimes it's all the little things. I have a BIG God who pays attention to the littlest things.

Isn't it great? :)

FOR THE SAKE OF THE CALL

Nobody stood and applauded them
So they knew from the start
This road would not lead to fame
All they really knew for sure
Was Jesus had called to them
He said "come follow Me" and they came
With reckless abandon, they came

Empty nets lying there at the water's edge
Told a story that few could believe
And none could explain
How some crazy fisherman agreed to go where Jesus went
With no thought to what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name
And they answered...

We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die for the sake of the call
The sake of the call

Drawn like the rivers are drawn to the sea
There's no turning back, for the water cannot help but flow
Once we hear the Savior's call, we'll follow wherever He leads
Because of the love He has shown
And because He has called us to go
We will answer...

We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die
Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who called
And if we believe we'll obey

(For the sake of the call - Steven Curtis Chapman)

I will abandon it all for the sake of the call,
but not merely for the sake of the call,
rather to follow the One who called,
to be where You are.

For You.

You have called us by name.

Dedicated to all who have gone before and those who are still fighting on in Malaysia.

THE SOUP DATE CHRONICLES

A guy said to me, "It's good that you all rotate and don't come all the time, otherwise people will expect more of you, to sort of know stuff and be their friend....you know..."

They only expect food but don't dare to expect friendship. WHY?

Two thousand years ago a guy came and lived and ate with the masses. His name was Immanuel - God with us.

Learning in very small ways to be Your hands and feet.