Someone once said, “When you can’t sleep, pray!” Not that praying in itself aids sleeping as how sheep counting does, but that perhaps there are some things we need to talk out with God.
As Ps Sunny once pointed out to me, I’m much too concerned about what I should feel and should want. A better place to start off is how I DO feel and what I DO want. I must say, before he pointed it out to me, I’ve never thought about it that way!
It’s not that I deliberately try to cheat myself, or anyone else for that matter. It’s just that it scares me to see what’s really in my heart. My fallenness is… ugly. It’s something I’d rather not face and pretend it’s not there. So I spend my days reminding myself about what I should feel and should want.
But no amount of reminding changes my feelings or my wants. And until I learn to be entirely honest with myself, there will be no rest and no light.
It is then that I am reminded to come, just as I am. So here I am again… at the foot of Your Cross.
I recognize that I DO need You… because I see my fallenness.
[To anyone who’s interested to know, I will be bringing out Gideon’s fleece this April.]
No comments:
Post a Comment